By Swami Premodaya | Source
Pain doesn’t equal suffering. Discover how we infuse suffering through non-acceptance and how to break this habit.
We believe suffering to be inherent to human life, unavoidable, and this gives us a certain righteous justification for our attachment to our suffering, and for our identification with suffering—no matter how painful or undesired that suffering may be. But the fact of the matter is that all suffering is infused from the outside. It is not inherent to any particular human experience. For example, one can be in immense physical pain, but that does not necessarily require that suffering be present. But most of us infuse suffering, when physical pain occurs. Have you ever watched, when a small child falls down or injures themselves, how their response is determined entirely by the reaction of the parent? And have you ever seen a small child be completely calm and unconcerned with an injury—no tears or upset—yet when, with upset and much emotion the parent says “oh my god, don’t worry Johnny; oh I know it hurts but try to be brave; I know it’s awful but try to be a big boy”—and then and only then, the child becomes upset and begins crying and screaming. It is amazing to watch parents teaching their children directly, how to suffer—giving clear and intensive lessons in how to infuse suffering, when they see their child not suffering!
The Human Experience
Pain, grief, anger, rage, confusion, sadness, sorrow, misery, despair, frustration, disappointment—all of these are part and parcel of the human experience. What we are hardly ever taught, however, is that none of them imply, or need be experienced as, a condition of suffering. Pain or grief or sadness can simply be pain or grief or sadness, without infusing the dimension of suffering. In the simplest sense, suffering is a learned behavior, a habit.
Animals provide yet another great example of how suffering is infused, and not required. Have you ever seen a crippled dog? Have you seen it right after it becomes crippled?—right after it becomes blinded or loses a leg? It cries for a moment or two at most, out of confusion, out of pain, or out of genuine despair–and then goes on. It completely and utterly accepts the situation, and goes on immediately, without looking back. It adapts instantly to 3 legs instead of 4, and makes do. There is no look of complaint in its eye. There is no air of victimhood in its demeanor. It accepts reality, including pain and loss, including agony and limitation, without infusing suffering. Even further proof is the fact that some animals are more neurotic than others. Some dogs lose their leg, and insist on infusing suffering! Perhaps they have learned it from being too close to humans. They lose their leg and they become depressed and listless. They stop their activity, they lose the gleam in their eye, and they vegetate in self-pity. Even a dog can infuse suffering, if it insists on doing so! This is even more evidence of how suffering is a choice. Most dogs don’t choose suffering, but now and again, a few do!
Non-Acceptance
Suffering is created in one way and one way only: non-acceptance. Non-acceptance is the only method you have ever used to create any suffering that you have ever experienced. Know this fully, and the secret key has been found. If you drop your identification with the story/drama of any given event, how is suffering possible? If you let go of your attachment to a given set of circumstances, then how could those circumstances ever be spun into a tale of suffering?