I can’t believe it is June already. May was a dizzying month of travel back and forth to the East Coast to see my mother, who was very ill. On the 19th, my mom passed, and we held her services on the 30th.
My mom has had dementia for the last few years but was still able to be home, cared for by her husband. The day I left for Cozumel in March is the day that she couldn’t lift herself up after falling. 911 was called, and at the hospital, it was determined that she had a UTI. She was given IV antibiotics, but it was as if a switch was flipped. Once the infection broke, she could no longer walk or hold herself up. She was sent to rehab, then back to the hospital a couple of times until finally, it was decided that sending her home with hospice was the best option. She passed a month later.
However, her true transitional journey began at the start of the year.
Starting in January of this year, I saw my mom’s face when journeying and doing self-healing work. Yet, it wasn’t the mom I remember seeing through my life. This mom glowed. She held incredible light and wisdom in her eyes. It was my mother’s highest self, and she was beautiful.
She shared with me what was held in my family line and how it was being cleared. It was my mom’s job to complete the project, but my sister, my oldest, my granddaughter, and I had also agreed to assist with the ancestral line clearing. Not surprisingly, my sacrum began to have pain and stiffness. I knew there was trapped energy, distortion, and trauma that needed to be cleared through the entire line. This understanding was divinely timed with my Cozumel trip and the collective healing of the divine feminine.
One morning my granddaughter’s highest aspect came in. She asked me to explain the energetic toll being felt on our bodies to my daughter. It was explained that my mother’s body was fading faster than expected, and all of us were picking up the slack in the hopes that the work would be completed.
I contacted my daughter, who said she had been experiencing pelvic floor issues, and my granddaughter said her back was hurting. Both were feeling energetically, overwhelmed, and drained. A three-year-old way of dealing with this was temper tantrums and being unreasonable. Understanding what was happening allowed for greater ease and grace between mother and daughter.
I share this because so many are transitioning right now, and many others will be asked on a Soul level to assist by taking a greater load of clearing the ancestry lines and DNA. This can be very draining, especially through this monumental shift.
We, all of us, are in a great transition. Some will experience this by leaving the body completely. Some will experience the death of aspects that are unable to move forward in the increasing light. Some will experience this transition by birthing new aspects of themselves. Without a doubt, there isn’t a single being that our great transitional phase will not touch.
It is a lot, and any place where we hold resistance, stubbornness, or expectations, are areas that will act up. This can be on the physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual planes of our being.
The energies coming in are extraordinary. They are pushing us to our limits, and as it does, we find out our capacity to hold light, presence, and Christ consciousness grows exponentially. Spirit has shown me that there is tremendous agitation in the field. It is bumping into people and triggering the hidden.
Have you ever filled a bottle and had to tap on the sides and bottom in order to dislodge a trapped air bubble? That is what is happening to us now; we are being tapped, agitated, and triggered so that it shakes us, freeing the trapped bubbles that contain stuck emotions, traumas, and even hidden memories.
This process can feel brutal and intense, yet it is a wonderful opportunity to allow the bubble to completely surface, pop, and be gone. Sometimes the popping makes a splatter, a scene, yet in some moments, that can’t be helped, nor should it be stopped.
My mother’s passing was very difficult. About two weeks before my mother passed, her highest aspect came in again and asked that I help cut my mother’s quantum cords daily. She was cording those around her and, in some cases, energetically draining loved ones in an attempt to stay in the body. Her human aspects were terrified. She was angry that she was dying. She held on for days longer than hospice had anticipated. I worked on the physical plane to help ease her fears and the astral plane to help coach her through the process. I wasn’t sure that anything I did helped, but I tried.
When she finally passed, I didn’t experience the joy that can be felt when the other side opens and receives. It didn’t feel full of light. This was, and is, very hard to process. Spirit shared that she was in a type of Boot Camp, an intense, dark night of the soul and life review. There were many areas in life where she avoided responsibility and accountability.
It was explained that dementia is a space in between. It allows souls to work on themselves, go through a life review, and assist themselves and others on a quantum level while simultaneously having a physical form in which to anchor that healing in. However, this work is not forced. My mother had the opportunity to do this work but chose not to. Upon her passing, she had no choice but to go through the muck before she could cross.
Yet, even after death, she wanted to resist. She visited me and other psychic family members, full of rage that more wasn’t done to keep her body going. She felt we let her die. You can imagine how devastating it is to experience this when you’re so full of grief and loss.
We have always been taught that they go to the light when someone passes. That wasn’t true in this experience. I also talked to others who shared their experiences of someone crossing and the experience not being full of light but darkness and despair. I was concerned that she would remain earthbound, but her highest aspect assured me that she would cross; she first needed to rant and rave before tackling the work ahead. I had also created a reiki bridge of light to assist her when the time came to cross.
To me understanding her experience has given me incredible motivation to do my inner work and walk my soul path. I can either do it while in body and anchor the work in, or I can look at myself after when it is too late and will then be dragged into another. This experience has caused me to look at where I hold resistance or entertain distraction instead of digging in.
It took my mom four days to settle and stop spewing rage after passing. She then began the difficult challenge of seeing her life from multiple perspectives and seeing what she had created and the repercussions for good or bad.
Over the next 11 days, she slogged through her stuff, and when I would check in, it was as if she was in a pit of waist-high mud. Each step was hard. Simultaneously, all that had agreed to assist (myself, my sister, my daughter, and my granddaughter) experienced tremendous sacrum and low back pain. I would have moments when childhood memories rose, and I knew she was touching on those moments during her life review. Her process was helping expose bubbles needing to pop within me.
During her service, she came and sat next to me. She told me that she would be crossing soon. I asked her if she was able to complete the ancestral clearing, and she said no. To have her daughters, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter take on more of the load would be detrimental to us all. By not facing her life head-on, she was unable to complete her portion as the project leader. She told me that she will come in again to complete her project eventually. I asked her if she was still angry at us, and she said no. She just didn’t want to face herself and had built a life, never having to face herself, her traumas, her pain, and her shadow.
It was the best conversation I’ve had with her in a couple of years. When the dementia took hold, I lost my mother slowly but steadily. The loss I felt at that moment was staggering. Oh, how I have missed her.
The day after my mother’s services, my low back, right SI joint, and tendon that goes down the right leg lost their mind. It began tightening, spasming to the point of excruciating pain. I’ve had no choice but to ride the waves of pain, and there wasn’t an ounce of gracefulness I possessed when it set in. I have cried, yelled, cursed, and almost passed out. All the while telling myself to stop being a drama queen.
This is a massive bubble popping for me. Hips are the foundation, and the loss of both of my parents creates a shifting of my first foundation. When the foundation shifted, what was exposed was incredible fear that something could happen, I would become injured, and we would once again lose everything. (trauma left over from being hit by a drunk driver and experiencing multiple spinal surgeries ) This fear is what has created the tightening of the tendon. The accompanying pain assisted in showing me how deep that fear really was. It has triggered the memories from the years of intense nerve pain, limitation, feeling that I was a burden, and monetarily losing it all. I didn’t realize I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I’ve spent the last few days resting to give this major tendon a break and sit with all these deep swirling emotions. When my father passed 23 years ago, I had small children, a 9 to 5 demanding job, and lots of financial stress. I didn’t have the time or bandwidth to allow myself to grieve fully. Now it seems my body is saying – rest, grieve, let it all out. The time of suppressing, burying, or sweeping under the rug is done.
Now is the time to feel, feel deep, and feel completely without apology. For this, I see these past few days of nursing my hip as a gift.
Spirit explains that many are going through body pains, inflamed nerves, and a resurgence of disease and conditions. These are the bubbles attempting to move to the surface. It hurts and’s miserable, yet it is such a beautiful opportunity to heal.
On June 4, I was meditating, and to my amazing surprise, my mother and father came to me. They held hands, and when I questioned, they told me that all is well between them and nothing needs to be forgiven. That was the moment I knew she had crossed because she had still been so angry at him when she died.
She told me that everything I told her about the other side was true. She’s no longer in the dark place. It’s really beautiful. She told me that she could feel all the assistance I have been giving energetically and spiritually. I told her that I was so happy for her; slogging through that muck is hard, but she did it. Since she has crossed, my hip has been relaxing, and I believe I’m on the mend.
This has been such an amazing and painful journey. Not all deaths are peaceful; not all crossings are easy. Whatever we put off in this life or refuse to see, acknowledge, or heal doesn’t stop needing to be seen, heard, or healed simply because we drop a body.
I’ve learned so much through her transition.
My heart hurts, and I am allowing myself to flow with the grief. I’m finding that I’m staring at the wall more than usual, and time seems just to slip by. Losing a loved one is so much more complex than it appears on the surface. Everything with that person has an opportunity to be cleared and lifted to the light, should we choose.
With so many transitioning right now, we need to give each other space and grace. Grief clouds the mind, it puts you into the space of no time, and the day-to-day can be overwhelming. I have a friend that runs a website support group for grief. Www.grieving.com, I recommend connecting with others if you are struggling with grief and feel alone. When you are deep in grief, there is no normal, yet the world keeps spinning as if there should be.
Not surprisingly, the numerology for the month of June is a four. Four is all about the foundation. June’s energy is asking us to reevaluate our foundation. This is our beliefs, programming, health, and what we need to do for our next steps. Sometimes within our foundation are the trap bubbles needing to be let out, and once that bubble has popped, our foundation will be even stronger.
Sending you all lots of love and perseverance to continue digging in your shadows, slogging through your muck one step at a time. Each thing we face then creates space for more joy and our highest aspect to reside.