Tunia: Should You Care What Others Think of You?

This is Tunia speaking. I love you so very much.

Today I would like to discuss the statement: “you shouldn’t care what others think.” This statement is often made and widely believed on Earth.

First of all, I would like to note that you can’t actually cognitively decide what you do and do not care about, on a fundamental level. Sure, you can put on a cool guy or cool woman act and pretend that you don’t care. Or you can suppress your feelings of caring about what others think. But those things don’t actually change you on a fundamental level. You still care. You have just put on an act, or have suppressed a part of yourself, which ultimately is not healthy.

Also, most humans — whether they are Earth humans or Pleiadian humans like myself — are social and communal beings, who are wired to care about what others think. Would you think it makes sense to tell a wolf, living in a pack, that it shouldn’t care what its pack mates think of it? That sounds ridiculous, right? Well, humans are more or less pack creatures too. The vast majority of people feel best when they live in groups. And when you live in a group, it does matter what your group mates think of you.

The reason why you care about what other people think of you is that it’s good for you to live in groups (so long as your group members can be trusted), and if you live in a group, it’s good to care what your group members think of you. That’s how the group stays cohesive and functional and together. If no one in a group cared what anyone else thought, soon the group would become dysfunctional or would disintegrate.

Frankly, not caring at all what other people think of you is closer to psychopathy than to emotional health. I wouldn’t quite say that genuinely not caring what others think of you is psychopathy by itself, but it’s closer to that than to mental health, in my opinion. Unfortunately, the morality of the elites — psychopathy — is trickling down to the average man and woman.

To me, there is a strange tendency on Earth to define a theoretical ideal and then say that humans should live up to that ideal. In this case, the ideal is of the universally competent, independent, individualistic super human who is always motivated and healthy and energetic and who can do everything by himself or herself and who doesn’t need anyone else around them. But the problem is that practically no Earth human is like that. And even if someone is able to live like that and be that, even then they will usually be happier if they live in a group anyway.

There’s a reason why R’Kok recently said that the key to happiness is being part of and contributing to some worthy movement or group.

Similarly, a number of Earth women are trying to live up to the ideal of being a career woman, when in some cases their actual truth is that they would be happier as a mother.

As a third example: a number of spiritual people are trying to live up to the ideal of “either I feel a ‘fuck yeah’, or I don’t do it.” Well, if you feel a “fuck yeah” any time something crosses your path that is good for you, then that’s genuinely great and beautiful. But what if you are depressed, or anxious, or have some old pain about certain things? Then you probably won’t feel a “fuck yeah” about something that is a bit challenging or less comfortable than just staying home, even if that challenging thing is ultimately good for you.

So instead of trying to live up to an ideal, you’ll probably be happier if you take an honest look inside your heart and find out who you are and what you want, and then work towards that instead of working towards an ideal.

One way of doing that is simply putting a hand on your heart and thinking or saying: “my heart, what do you want?” or “my heart, what should I do today?” The very first thing that comes up in you is the answer from your heart. It will sound like your regular inner voice, but the answer will actually be from your heart. Now your heart isn’t quite as good of a guide as your soul, but it is still a good guide.

That said, it’s certainly possible to care more than is helpful about what others think of you. In fact, to be like that is very common on Earth, because unfortunately most people are not very emotionally safe: they judge and condemn other people shockingly quickly and for minor things, from our point of view. The rest of this message will discuss what you might want to do if you care more what others think about you than is perhaps healthy or constructive.

Hakann and myself do still care what others think of us, but if we cared so much about that that we wouldn’t dare be ourselves, then we would probably care too much about what others thought of us.

For people who care too much about what others think of them, it might be helpful to hear: “you shouldn’t care so much what others think of you.” We think that’s a more helpful message than saying: “you shouldn’t care what others think of you” as a blanket statement. And also note that some people should actually care more about what others think of them than they are currently doing, so this message is not universally helpful. Often people on Earth see what is true in one situation for one person and then present that as a universally true fact, when in reality some other people may need the completely opposite message. Yes, spirituality can be complicated.

I feel held back from saying what I think, via fear of how other people would respond. What should I do?

In a lot of cases, the problem isn’t that you have some weird irrational fear. In a lot of cases, the problem instead is that your fear of being judged is rational, because the people around you just suck.

If the people around you actually are judgemental, then it’s not a weird irrational fear if you are afraid that they’ll judge you.

If your friends make a joke once, that might be fine. But if your friends are genuinely not treating you with respect or are not accepting you for who you are, then maybe say so to them. And if they don’t change, consider no longer hanging out with them. Find some emotionally safer people to be around. Unfortunately this is hard to do on Earth, because most people aren’t very emotionally safe, but certainly there are people who are more emotionally safe than most.

If you try something new or go do something outside your living space that you enjoy, then you may very well meet new and hopefully more compatible people that way. As Hakann has said previously: authenticity pushes away people who aren’t compatible with you and attracts people who are. Both are advantages.

Of course it might be smart to be inauthentic at work in order to not rock the boat too much. But in your personal life, it generally is a good idea to be authentic. Authenticity is very important. For example, I think authenticity is more important than gratitude. If your authentic truth is that you are currently not grateful, then trying to force yourself into gratitude isn’t ultimately beneficial to you.

If you want to say something to a person that’s true to you and that’s not unnecessarily hurtful, but you’re afraid that the other person responds in an unpleasant way, then it’s best to just say it. If the other person responds reasonably, great. If the other person indeed responds unpleasantly, well, now you know that maybe you should find other people to spend time with, and this realization may actually be a net positive for you in the medium term. It’s actually really hard to have healthy, positive interactions with people if you don’t say what you think or feel. Usually holding your tongue just breeds resentment or a disinterest in spending time with them in the future, and that’s often more destructive than just an uncomfortable or tough conversation. If someone keeps not expressing what they think about the other person, then usually eventually they either explode, or eventually they’ll start an intense fight over something pretty minor, or the people will just stop spending time together at some point.

And yes, if someone seems to explode at you out of nowhere over something relatively minor, then there is a good chance that this person has in the past repeatedly not expressed something that he or she wanted to say. So the actual anger or frustration isn’t this minor thing itself, it’s the mountain of unsaid things. This is actually pretty hard and unfair to deal with as the person who gets exploded at. This also illustrates that it’s better to just be authentic, rather than trying to “be nice” or “not wanting to rock the boat” or “valuing the relationship” or “I don’t want to spit venom at this other person” or “I’m spiritual and so I should be above getting annoyed at someone and therefore I’ll not say anything”. Et cetera. Usually it’s much easier to be in a relationship with someone who is genuine rather than with someone who is “nice”, if they are nice in the sense that they don’t express themselves.

We don’t recommend being needlessly cruel, but if you have to choose between authenticity and niceness, it’s usually better for both people if you go with authenticity. Sometimes people choose the niceness option instead of the authenticity option because they’re afraid or uncomfortable with challenging conversations, or because they want to be liked. However, usually the authenticity option is actually better for both yourself and for the other person.

This also means that if you wonder if you should say something to the other person, then it’s usually kinder to the other person to say it. That’s because if you don’t, then there’s a chance that eventually you’ll explode, or you’ll develop a disdain for the other person, or you’ll stop wanting to spend time with them, and that’s far more damaging for the relationship than a tough conversation would be.

The channeler has asked his soul dozens of times: “should I say this to that person?” Almost always, the answer he gets back is: “if that’s what you authentically feel, then you should say it.” I would add that you shouldn’t be unnecessarily hurtful, and sometimes at your workplace it’s probably good to not say certain things. But in general, this is a good rule of thumb. Care first and foremost about being authentic. If more people did that, your world would be dramatically better — and be the change you want to see in the world, right? I know that can be tough, but that’s why you are lightworkers. You got this.

I feel held back from doing what I want to do, by fear of how other people would respond. What should I do?

Let’s say that you’ve evaluated the arguments of the other people but you still want to do something. However, you feel held back by fear of what they’ll say or how they’ll judge you. The previous section wasn’t helpful. What to do?

One way of dealing with this is using the standard technique that we’ve recommended for every unpleasant thought or emotion. Namely: just observe it, without judging it or suppressing it or trying to change it.

Second, it’s useful to keep in mind that just because someone else might think you’re stupid or wrong, doesn’t actually mean that you are stupid or wrong. The average person on Earth is suffering from very many illusions and distortions, and just because they have a certain opinion doesn’t mean that it’s actually so. Some people would benefit from in their mind becoming just a tiny bit arrogant and thinking: “I’m noticing that I fear that this person might judge me. Well, even if he did — what does he know?”

Most people perceive the world through a very thick and quite distorted lens, made up of their own beliefs and experiences and insecurities. While it’s good to consider whether other people are right, it’s also good to keep in mind that sometimes people aren’t actually perceiving you — instead what they’re perceiving is distorted by the lens through which they view the world.

If someone tells you to go do something, then the relevant information is not: “I should go do that thing.” The relevant information is: “this person thinks that I should go do that thing.” Those two are very different pieces of information.

You don’t even necessarily need to be able to defend your actions or to convince the other person. “No” is a complete sentence.

Third, it’s good to keep in mind that most people are afraid of being mocked or standing out. The person who you fear might mock you, may actually be impressed with your courage. People generally respect people who are doing their best and who are being themselves, so long as they’re not being arrogant or bragging or being hopelessly unrealistic about it.

Also, I’m going to use some hyperbole now to make a point: there is no such thing as a successful person. There is only someone who failed a number of times but kept getting up and trying again, and after many failures eventually found success. And there is no such thing as a person who is a failure. There is only someone who failed a number of times, and this person stopped getting up and stopped trying before he or she found success.

Generally you won’t find real success and happiness and passion and energy by living someone else’s dream. If you want success and happiness and passion and energy, generally you do that by repeatedly being yourself, even if it’s tough, and eventually you’ll find something that clicks in place.

If you want a good life, you will very likely need to accept that you’ll try a couple of things and that you’ll fail a couple of times. And that’s okay. Most successful people have failed a bunch of times, but now when you think of them, you don’t judge them for their failures but you respect them for their perseverance and success. Right? Well, if you try what your heart leads you to try, then ten years from now, people are going to appreciate what you’ve built or what you’ve accomplished or where you are in life. They’re not going to judge you for those things you tried that didn’t work out. Almost everyone whom you admire probably tried a couple of things that didn’t work out.

I hope this was helpful. I love you very much and I am looking forward to the next time I’ll be able to talk to you.

Your star sister,

For Era of Light

**Channel: A.S.


**These channelings are exclusively submitted to Eraoflight.com by the channeler. If you wish to share them elsewhere, please include a link back to the original post.

14 Replies to “Tunia: Should You Care What Others Think of You?”

  1. John

    If they don’t care about their own thoughts about you (or don’t care about themselves) I guess you could still care, indeed to little avail.

    However I think I said the opposite: you end up having to NOT care about what others think;if you actually care about them.

    For instance, you may think my thought was convoluted and I don’t care about it precisely because I care about you. Think about it. Or don’t, really.

    1. idfixd

      The purpose of doing so would be counterproductive. Think about it. If you chat on social media and discuss these topics on a daily basis, conflicts naturally arise when these topics are controversial, while there are still differences and contradictions in unequal and unfair communities
      This needs to be solved with your common sense

      1. John

        Oh, I personally find common sense to be a very unreliable tool if you’re trying to get a point across the barrier of viewpoint diversity, because people seldom realize when they’re projecting their own sense as common.

        What I meant, more concisely, is that once your care for others encompasses an active respect for their beliefs, points of view and ways of expression (without disrespecting your own); you realize that there are no contradictions possible at that level – and that such conflicts can only be present precisely where people are projecting their inner unresolved conflicts – so it is not “important” in a sense you can’t really do more than helping them see it.

        1. idfixd

          Oh, I understand what you mean. I chat with these people on the internet every day, but I don’t mean dealing with these issues. When I talk about these people being complex, multifaceted, and dark, this kind of thing happens every day, so I hope these people can be quiet. Sorry.

  2. Gwenyth Freeman

    thank you once again, Tunia , for your well thought out and explained message. I really appreciate them , as you ‘cover all the bases’ and make it easier for us to apply your wisdom to our difficulties here, especially now as our Earth is filled with such negativity. And thank you to A.S. for your hard work no matter what. We really appreciate your efforts on our behalf. Gwenyth

    1. idfixd

      Yes, some family conflicts on Earth still exist, such as school violence, neighbors, and people arguing and disputes. This kind of conflict needs to be resolved with your common sense in order to be peaceful.

  3. idfixd

    Tanya, I dreamt today that the website said that Tanya is a dark channel and belongs to the Galactic Federation. Tanya Goddess hopes you don’t care what others say. The most fear is blackening. Everyone will reach his negative and negative degree in the future. This situation will be removed soon. Eve and Adam are separated because of the negative timeline

  4. WK

    Dearest Tunia, I love you and thank you for assisting with the expansion of our consciousness. By pointing with your finger to where it hurts, you give us a chance to recognize that indeed that is a wound that needs healing. The negative programming from the media has in a subtle manner removed our natural references of connection to each other, for example a party or a group dance (like in villages) used to be a place to meet people and fall in love. Now, they are filled with alcohol and loud noise (one cannot call that music), all blockages to prevent humans from connecting. This is so, and one just has to compare the environment from a party in the 60s, where dance and live music was common, laughing was also common, and compare to the zombie-like gathering filled with alcohol and drugs (both kill the body and mind), where women feel unsafe and indeed is seen as sexual predatorial environment, rather than one of trust and brotherhood. Someone once said, “The cure is in the cause”, and I believe it is so. Knowing that this is so, provides us with the consciousness that yes, we are social beings, and yes we had periods in our history where we socialized without feeling unsafe (look at the 60s), so something happened in the mean time (the negative programming), and yes we can say no to it. Freewill is the greatest gift of the Supreme Source of Love and Light, one that we need to exercise with expanded consciousness. This is where your messages are so critical, as your outside view shows exactly what needs healing. Our “mirrors” deceive us, but you point exactly at the “real” image, without distortion, and for that I love you.

    Opka elium nor stepium okta es. Entnur navel orgon snapel et orion. Kapka sorn erium tempel mas. Orion ern kapka stim epson nar. Spaldung stim.

    I open my heart and erradiate my Light and my Love to you, and to our beloved Sisters and Brothers there with you. You are precious to us ! And so are you A.S., a big hug !

    Your Earthling Brother,

    1. idfixd

      I support your brother, Hippie can see the degeneration of human nature. The negative forces of Chimera who bring these cultural and educational laws are unhealthy and unfriendly. They also pay for karmic behavior. Their next generation will reincarnate prostitutes and beggars, which is the best punishment. The cosmic law will not make these people greedy and selfish, and God will not want them.

  5. Jared

    I care what Tunia thinks:) Haha

    Yes authenticity is good amen. Good point dear.

    Yes everyone needs to become emotionally safe.
    Thou shalt do a clearing practice like the 7 steps by arnoux goran and also divine affirmations by me and peter mt shasta like:
    I am love/forgiveness/joy/peace/etc. amen

    I would like to live in a world where all the women are as beautiful and lovely as Tunia. Amen.

    Oh dear Jared’s in love with Tunia again.
    Yes that’s right I am.

    1. idfixd

      Yes, there is a violet flame and Flower of Life meditation that can eliminate negative factors, and this method is recommended.
      Using intrinsic instructions is great.

  6. John

    The thing is, if you authentically care about people, you usually end up in a place where you /have/ to not care about what they think.