By Leo Babauta | Source

I’ve talked to close to a dozen people recently who have been struggling with phone addiction — it seems to be widespread, across all generations these days.

It’s not just a trivial problem … it can cause sleep problems, have us fall behind on the things that are important to us, miss deadlines, get overwhelmed by how behind we are.

And maybe just as important: it’s not how many of us want to live our lives. We don’t want to be trapped in a phone addiction loop. We want to be doing things that feel meaningful and joyful.

Let’s talk about the phone addiction loop, and then how to apply the habit ideas I’ve learned over the years to break the loop.

How the Loop Works

It’s a fairly basic habit mechanism:

1. You have a trigger (let’s say stress, overwhelm, boredom, feeling behind on things).
2. You reach for the phone
3. You get a quick reward.

And repeat. That’s the cycle, and it works that way for most addictive habits (food, alcohol, games, Youtube, social media, smoking, drugs).

So how do we change this?

First, Ask Why

Before you start to change something like this, ask yourself why you want to make the change. Is it just because you think you should, and you’re judging yourself?

If you’re coming from a place of “should,” you’ll just give up as soon as it gets hard.

If you’re doing it because you think there’s something wrong with you, and you’re hard on yourself … you’re only going to get discouraged and give up.

So instead, find a positive reason that’s meaningful to you. For example:

• I want to get good sleep and feel good during the day
• I have some creative work I want to get done
• I want to be more present with my loved ones
• I want to read more books
• I want to get more active and take good care of my body

What would be your meaningful reason? Write it down.

Then Create a Commitment & a Moat

Now make a commitment … not just to yourself but to others. Promise a close friend, your partner, an accountability group. Tell them your plan. Commit to accountability.

Then create a moat — something that makes it hard to get to the phone when the trigger happens. This will allow you to have awareness that your addiction loop has been triggered, and then allow you to do the next phase (below).

Some examples of moats:

• Put the phone in a different room, so you have to walk all the way across the house/office to get it. Leave it there, and only give yourself 2 minutes in the room with it.
• Give it to your spouse/friend/coworker and say, “Don’t give it back to me until (5pm, tomorrow morning, etc.).”
• Use a blocker app (or device like the Brick) but let someone else set the password so you don’t know it. Have it set to block you on a schedule.
• Lock it in a drawer/safe with a key, give it to someone else.

You might also make the phone less attractive: put it in greyscale mode, turn off notifications, and delete the most tempting apps.

The idea isn’t that you can never use your phone — it’s that the friction to use it is greatly increased, so that you are more intentional, and you know when the trigger is happening.

Deal with the Trigger

The secret sauce is not just to stop yourself from using it, but to find new ways of dealing with the trigger — usually boredom, anxiety/stress, overwhelm, or feeling bad about yourself.

If you’re feeling that, instead of using your phone to cope … what if you could find a healthier coping mechanism?

It’s important to bring awareness to when the trigger happens … when it does:

1. Notice what you’re feeling when you want to reach for your phone. Bored? Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious? Feeling bad about yourself or your life?
2. Take a few breaths. Let your nervous system be soothed. If the feeling is intense, get up and move around, distract yourself with something else. You’re creating a tiny pause, where you have choice.
3. Now try to choose an alternative to cope with the feeling, other than your phone.

What alternatives? You might experiment to see what works for you — throw a bunch of things at the wall and see what sticks!

Here are a few ideas:

• Deep breathing
• Go for a walk
• Do some exercise — pushups, yoga, etc.
• Talk to someone
• Make a gratitude journal — or just journal about your feelings

You might find your own ideas as well. You’re practicing being OK with a bit of discomfort, and finding a way to deal with it that feels healthy.

The Importance of Grace & Compassion

This isn’t going to be simple — like food, a phone isn’t something most of us can just quit. We have to find a balance in our lives, between being able to function, and overdoing it.

We’re interrupting the loop, instead of relying on willpower. We might even set some phone-free periods that will start to feel refreshing.

But we might slip up, and that’s OK. It’s a process, not a switch we just flip. We’re trying to break the loop rather than let it be a repeated cycle. Sometimes, we might not do so well, and in those cases, it’s important to give ourselves some grace. Be compassionate, not harsh.

You can do this!

​
with love,

Leo Babauta
Zen Habits