Have you ever set out in a great mood to meet a friend at a café for coffee, only to spend a miserable hour or two listening to how rotten their finances/relationship/job is? Suddenly, the delightful day you had been anticipating dissolved into something far less enjoyable, and no matter what you did to shift your attention and raise your spirits, you never quite managed to get your energy back to the same level as when you started your day. We have all experienced this dynamic in our lives, but we rarely understand or pay attention to what occurred. What happens in situations like this is that we unconsciously match that other person’s energy and then let it affect our entire day.
Now consider the following interchange. The six mangers at a juice factory meet monthly to update each other on production, customer service, sales, etc. The meetings have always been short, productive, and fun. Today, Sam from shipping, has had a frustrating day with no-show employees, broken machines, and customer complaints. When it was his turn to update everyone, he stood up, revved up his energy, and began loudly complaining about how bad things are, how no other department is doing their job, and how no one is getting paid enough. “Ain’t it Awful!” Sam was throwing his opinions and energy out to the group, and within minutes, some of the participants were loudly agreeing with his complaints. What began as a productive meeting quickly escalated into a gripe session interspersed with thick, uncomfortable silence. What happened was that the participants were unconsciously matching Sam’s strong, charged energy, which moved them from personal balance to imbalance. The result was no one had a good time; the meeting lasted twice as long as usual, and very little was accomplished.
Developing the skill of discernment offers a great opportunity to assist your friend at the cafe, enhance the meeting, and become more masterful yourself. The energy of the problem the person is focusing upon, and the energy of the person, are two decidedly distinct things. The problem and the person are not the same. As you discern and become the observer of the situation, you are able to choose how you wish to engage. You may not necessarily agree with the energy of the problem, but you won’t automatically jump in to fix it. You listen from behind your Rose, within your Octahedron, and hold a tone that feels good to you—Happy, Kind, Aware, with a sense of your own well-being.
Understanding the mechanics of these interchanges can be extremely useful. In the past, before you had these tools, you might have matched the energy of others in order to understand their problem or situation. As in the examples above, once you match that energy, you may physically/emotionally feel the sticky, heavy discomfort of the problem the other person was holding. There is another choice. As you become more conscious and masterful, the valuable skill of Discerning becomes available to you. Instead of matching that loud, chaotic energy, engaging with it, and getting it all over you, you can simply observe it, discern if it is really your problem, and then choose how, or if, you want to get involved.
This is an excerpt from the book, What Do You Mean the Third Dimension is Going Away? by Jim Self and Roxane Burnett
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