As I dive deeper and deeper into my understanding and inquiring about my multidimensional being, I am compelled to share some of what I’m becoming aware of simply because it is time to not stay within myself, but to share and touch others who may relate to what I’m experiencing.
I lived the first 65+ years of my life in the dark and only during the last 18 months or so have I come to realize that my own “ascension” is a blessing that I am fortunate enough to recognize as I have slowly and inexorably moved toward the truth and light that ALL of my fellow humans need to embrace. I believe we have to collectively know the unconditional love and light that our God source within each of us is yearning for us to embrace and know intimately.
Some twenty years ago I experienced a meditation episode for maybe 10 seconds, or maybe 10 minutes (to this day I’m unsure of how long it lasted), but that episode changed forever my feelings and awareness of just what is possible. Let me explain what happened:
As many of us may have experienced in our lives, I went through a “phase” of really exploring meditation, having a gut feeling that going within would yield an awareness of my place in this vast universe by trying to move away from my ego and into my eternal self – my “soul,” my stream of energy, call it what you will, but to KNOW that I am but a mere fragment of perfection seeking further perfection in a state of bliss that so many have written and described in their medication experience. So I was meditating on a regular basis, every evening in the same comfortable chair, later in the quiet evening, targeting 30-60 minutes without a real clock nearby, just meditating until I felt I had accomplished all I could in each meditative session.
Let me step back for a minute to give you the full picture of my life at that point.
Understand, I was fully engaged in my third density life – a wife, a family, a job, and all the aspects that entailed – pressure with bills, pressure with just making things work so my family was safe, happy and thriving. I never felt “burdened” but knew that my life was meant to be far more than just my immediate mundane small world of “getting up, going to work, coming home, spend an evening with my family, go to bed, repeat.” I knew deep within I was supposed to do more, be more, give more, help more to all those in my life and those beyond my reach. To be philanthropic with both time and money had always been a drive within me. In other words, be a greater energy in the universe. How that was supposed to happen I had no clue as it seemed my life was on a particular “rut” and it seemed so small and hard to envision a grander vision.
I think it is important to identify that I was raised in a church environment, but had long since felt that religion was a dangerous crutch, regardless of the religion itself – there are dozens and dozens of religions that all claim to lead to the same God Source – how that path is defined has been the source of strife, war and discontent as one religion claims to be “the only true way” to God, when the truth as I know it is that ALL religions lead to God. I choose to call it spirituality and leave the word religion behind as not valid or needed. The reality of our spiritual self is that we are created in perfection from God and all of us are connected and should embrace all our paths to The Source because God is eternal and as children of God, we are too. We are simply in our current “meat bodies” here to experience the range of emotions and life experiences unique to our world, and to return to The Source with that range of experiences; to grow that constant stream of energy that God intended us to know so all other streams of energies for the Universe can receive and learn those experiences too. We are all connected. We are not linear, we are circular and complete in that way. At the time of the experience I am writing about, I did not have that realization, I just knew I could be more and wanted to know more.
So, I left doubts (as best I could) behind and started to medicate on a regular basis, feeling in my gut that by removing myself intellectually and trying to allow my inner perfection to manifest in my heart and mind, I would come to a new awareness that would help guide me to a place where I knew I could grow and become a greater force beyond what I was currently “stuck in.”
I wish I had marked the date on the calendar of this particular meditation session because it changed me forever and gave me a new feeling/view of “life” that I carry to this day.
It started as all my meditations did. Somewhere in that session – and I have no idea how much time had elapsed from the start of my “episode of clarity” and I have no idea how much time this episode lasted, but it is nearly impossible to describe what transpired because words are two dimensional and really inadequate to describe what happened.
But, I’ll give it a shot.
In my meditation process, I spend a great amount of time focusing on my breathing and the feeling of all my body as I slow down and relax into a state of quiet and “calm.” I often touch my tongue to the top of my mouth and then relax it a bit, which is to acknowledge consciously “I am relaxing my tongue” and places myself into an awareness of relaxing and of the body calming down with such a thought. Ultimately I picture a black nothingness and try to put no dimension on such a dark field, but I try and picture mentally the Universe as unending and a place of non-judgement and to place my consciousness into this void with no judgement, no preconceived desires of an outcome, just a willingness to “be.” Period.
The best description I can offer of what happened is this: For an instant or many instances, because my feeling was that time no longer existed, I saw all, knew all, felt all, I WAS All. All of the past I had experienced as a human being was clear in an instant and how I could remember all of those instances in one beat of my heart is unknown, but as we use so little of our brains, I can extrapolate we must use very little of our energy (heart) or soul, or by whatever that stream of energy can be defined as and it was that energy essence that I was suddenly and totally plugged into. What the Universe was offering or wanted me to experience, believe me, I was experiencing.
It was a state of complete freedom, of complete happiness, of complete bliss and I believe it was the essence of what can be described in the most perfect word I think ever invented: LOVE. As this energy transported me to this state, I felt I was not a body sitting in a chair, and yet I had no feeling of being out of my body, I had a feeling of just existing in a quiet field of love, of knowing without a shadow of a doubt that this energy was supposed to be what we all should know and therefore I knew it NOW. This feeling was supposed to wrap all of us up in it’s blissfulness, and that all was right in that knowledge. No doubt, no fear, no pain, no hesitancy of wondering if it was really something I should be analyzing with my mind as it was happening. I just accepted this state of Nirvana as what I was entitled to feel, both at that moment or moments, but extending into my life in the past and in whatever the future would be.
I don’t know how long this episode lasted. It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes, and as time has moved on from that instance, I wondered why I was not more aware of the time I sat down to meditate and the time I left that state of energy, for when that episode “ended” I remember being suddenly totally awake and more refreshed and in a hyper state of awareness that I’ve never been able to replicate in many meditation sessions. I sat dumbfounded in my chair for an unknown amount of time, trying desperately to cling to the ever diminishing cloak of happiness and calmness as long as I could. I remember hearing distinctly the kitchen clock, some 30 feet away clicking loudly and as each tick-tick-tick clattered in my ears, I knew that level of awareness would not last and closed my eyes to capture it as best I could.
That one episode forever changed how I view myself and my inner self specifically. It was clear to me how little I knew, how little I was aware BUT how much I had to look forward to learning, how much I could be or approach becoming and it manifests itself today in the word AWESOME. I can be, you can be, we all can be totally AWESOME.
I must reflect that I’ve yearned and tried to replicate that episode through the years since it happened, and I think in that striving, I have probably self-destructed the possibility of it happening again. I’m trying to hard to return to what I feel is a natural and blissful condition of “letting go.” One cannot recapture that if one is always trying to return to that state of completeness. And so, while I try and remove that desire when I meditate now, there is probably a small egoistic voice whispering “you cannot get that state back – it was a mistake to show it to you, so good luck trying.” Needless to say, I’ve never had such an episode again, and when I someday learn how to quiet that internal ego laughing at me, that is the time I’ll be back to that place of love. It is a learning and growing curve I am on in that regard.
The age we are entering is a blessing to see first-hand. Of all the consciousnesses I might have had in the past or the future, to be here NOW and seeing and hearing and witnessing NOW this new age of light is a privilege that I am so grateful to be a part of.
I used to say as a younger person how I wished I would be able to come back 3 or 4 hundred years in the future to see what we had become as a species, as a civilization. I was uncertain we would even survive that long as the very nature of who we are as a species is to be violent and destructive but now I understand that the good and noble side of most all of us has been stolen and controlled by the Satanists and dark creatures for centuries and so I have total confidence now that our emergence as “almost” enlightened beings will continue and grow and see us well into the future.
We are infants in the Universe. The good news is infants grow up and to be able to be just a small part of that growing up is a distinct privilege and honor that I am going to savor completely. I hope everyone else reading these words can savor this period of learning and growth and know that what we are going through can be summed up with the words: The Best is Yet to Come!
**By Bruce C. Haines