This week’s Message is from the Collective’s book, Earth Life Challenges: The Collective Speak on Dealing with Trauma and Life Changes. This is from the chapter titled, “On Releasing Attachment to a Loved One”:
QUESTION: As I watch everything fall apart around me—people dying, going away, marriages ending in a lot of brutal painful ways, I still feel such an attachment to someone who was a catalyst for much of the pain I carry.
It is necessary for my advancement? After years of trying, I am wondering, how do I let go and accept that this person is not a part of my future, and truly be free to start a new path?
THE COLLECTIVE: We would say, that it is important to remember that your life experience is based on many things—and that many of the energies, ideas, preferences, and feelings you carry are not you, exactly.
Each person carries a powerful legacy of ancestral energies, patterns, belief structures, experiences, traditions, tendencies—it is a long list of influences that most people mistakenly believe themselves to be free of, because “that’s all in the past. And I’m the progressive one in my family.”
Indeed, you may be a progressive thinker, yet still be burdened by the trauma experienced by those in your family. That suffered by the children in the family, or by the women, or the men. Those tendencies will pass on to you uninterrupted if allowed to. You are not yet so far out of the third dimension that its many traps and patterns are beyond your experience.
Your immediate family likewise handed on to you certain tendencies, mental and emotional traps, addictions (these come in a wide range of guises), and beliefs about the nature of reality.
These are so natural to you, having been taken on by you from the womb onward, that you are rarely even aware that they are there.
They tend to determine the shape of your day by deciding what you believe to be possible—about work, health, relationships, and other areas—because they shape your beliefs and self-concepts.
Your culture and all its various forms of programming are another source of patterning.
The media is a programming tool, and used for little else, though certainly, other higher and more positive messaging and energy codes do get through to the masses.
Yet far more influential has been the programming to “do as you are told” and “view the Universe this way.”
Though that is now on the wane, that was still the case as you were a child and evolving into an adult.
Past life experiences, and past life associations with certain persons whom you have met again in this life, are another area of influence regarding how you feel about life, and how you view anyone you love in this lifetime.
Chances are great that you are also not the only presence inhabiting your body.
It is the rare human being who does not have entity attachments or interferences of one kind or another—an ancestor or deceased family member, a lower entity or deceased person seeking an energy source and physical body to inhabit.
Other interferences include energy forms—thoughts and emotions which may not have an individual consciousness, yet still inhabit whole parts of your energies, whether you created them or not.
Earth-based and Galactic implants and interferences are also still a part of the human experience at present.
And so, due to upbringing and family influence, as well as media, government, education, and their various energy transmission, your culture and ancestors, your past life experiences, old soul contracts, and energetic interferences of different kinds, you exist in the world as a bundle of influences and presences.
Many of these are not your own. You would never choose to carry them if you were fully aware of them.
Human beings are rarely aware of all that is working on them and stealing their energy each day, each hour they are on the Earth, and these beings and programs are aware of that unawareness. It gives them all the more room to inhabit as they please, and to direct your actions, thoughts, feelings, reactions, beliefs, and inner ethics.
Yet all is not lost, regarding how you feel about life, whether in relationships, physical death, loss and abandonment, lost love, or any other topic that is pulling your energy down to where you feel lost except for those times you anchor yourself in the presence and loving attention of another.
As we have noted elsewhere, there is no pain that is necessary for your evolvement, though many have chosen to learn in that way. We would, if we were in human form, take active steps to release the idea that pain and struggle are necessary for advancement of any kind. Though tough physical exercise, grueling academic study, and the rigors of raising children can have their own kind of joy, due to the perseverance and focus they require, they can also be motivated by Love, not merely self-discipline or duty.
There are many ways to step up and reclaim more and more each day the beautiful Divine Being you are, and came to Ascend into, while still physically on the Earth. You chose to come forward at this time not to feel bad about life, but to feel joyful about it. The conundrum comes when you are given the message from someone, while still at a young age, that romantic Love is the point of life. You are told that you should seek a Love that makes you feel at home in life in ways you have never fully felt before, and that assures you how wonderful you are.
The training human beings receive from Hollywood films and popular songs are two of the influences, affecting most people starting very early in life, that inform you that to love someone romantically is the pinnacle of existence (unless one is fighting in a war, and even then you will note that a romance is often woven into the war story). This tends to keep people trapped in drama, their hopefulness never quite fulfilled.
That is the Love you are seeking, but we will say it that is not a romantic Love. The Love that offers complete assurance is based in the high heart, and begins first within yourself, for yourself. Otherwise you will forever seek it outwardly, which always leads to disappointment at some time or another, as romantic Love, though it offers some forms of fulfillment, is not meant to define or fulfill you. Expecting such will only lead you to blame yourself or the other person for not providing Love as fully and in ways that fulfill your expectations, and that stay with you indefinitely.
You are the one permanent fixture in your life, dear one, and no one else. You as the representation of Divine Love in human form.
All else will fall away, in its time.
You have been taught to seek after and to worship outer forms, whether that comes in the shape of material wealth, fulfilling work life, or fulfillment from romantic love and/or family life. And all of those things are fine and beautiful in their own way. But they are not the true heart of what you are seeking. They are individual, outer expressions of it, but they are not the core, and they are not lasting.
Even if you were to meditate for hours each day, and come to the point where all you desired was detachment, inner Peace, and service to the higher good of all—you could still fall hopelessly in love with someone who is not quite right for you, and who leaves at some point, because things are not working out. Or who is wonderfully right for you, but who leaves this Earth far sooner than you ever expected.
Outer situations are only outpicturing. They are holographic forms, and not anywhere near so “real” as everyone assumes.
They shift and fluctuate, and after a while, fade or transform.
The person who does not know self-Love and self-supporting kindness will find that “the one” they have decided will finally fill that gaping hole within them can only offer so much Love and reassurance.
In this Universe, everything constantly moves forward at a great pace. On the Earth at present, that pace is quickening far more than in the past.
So that Change is the only constant, as they say, except that it occurs many times faster now than in your past.
Now, we will return to our earlier point for a moment, as this is where things become rather interesting.
You can set mind and heart to a particular point of focus, a particular area of creation. But until you consciously begin the process of releasing all that is not you, you will still be steered to a great extent in the direction determined by those who are inhabiting your physical and energetic space, as well as those who have programmed you since birth to behave in certain ways—to “follow the rules.”
You will also be steered to fulfill a deeply unconscious family legacy, which goes back many generations, to times during which the rules of life were far rougher, more violent, and more struggle- and lack-oriented than they are now.
This is why various forms of energy clearing—whether from meditation, or using an energy worker who is skilled in releasing or neutralizing ancestral influences, as well as various forms of trauma, dense beliefs, emotions, and energy patterns—is so necessary now.
Some are also skilled in releasing past life curses and oaths, ET implants and energy interferences, and other forms and presences that are stealing or siphoning off your life energies, and influencing you in ways that are not healthy, and not representative of your soul and authentic self.
You are also, as many Lightworkers and empaths are, a highly intuitive person, sensitive to the energies of others.
You carry the energies of those you have wanted to heal, protect, guide, or assist in some way, unless you did so with conscious awareness of not taking on their energies in the process, or have since consciously released those energies and cut all etheric cords between you and them.
For the intuitive, this tendency to pick up on and take on the energies (including the pain and sadness) of others begins in infancy.
Many realize early on that they are not like the rest of their family, and that they must take on the energies and beliefs of those around them, or be left out in the cold on one level or another.
When you fall in love, you likewise take on the energies and outlook of the other, and it is vital that you release those energies on an ongoing basis. Do this even while you are involved with someone, and absolutely once you are no longer involved with them.
Your emotions can become enmeshed with their presence, and you must withdraw your energies from the other person, as you also pull their energies out of yourself.
You can also use meditation to call back to you your own energies each day, and to actively cut all etheric cords between you and another.
Use the image of a giant pair of scissors, or a large sword, and visualize cutting through all etheric cords connected to you. Or image Archangel Michael using his Sword of Truth, Excalibur, and cutting you loose from all energy ties above, below, and all around you.
What you consider now to be pain that has come from your having known and loved and lost someone, is actually only an expression of a pain that was already there.
It has simply been revealed to you, coming up to the surface from the subconscious, and seeming to be new, when it is anything but
We advise practicing self-Love and diligent self-care on all levels, to anyone struggling in this way.
Decide each day that “this day is for me, to Love and care and believe in myself,” and do as many kind things for yourself as you can think of.
People in pain don’t always eat very healthfully, or exercise enough, or keep their surroundings in order, which can help tremendously in feeling more peaceful and cared for.
They also spend time with people who are not positive for them, isolate from others, or do things they don’t really care about, thinking they have no choice.
Look into the situations of your life, and begin to ask for Joy, fulfillment, adventure, and beauty.
You can create these if you take some time to ask what it is you really want, when you stop feeling that you are At a Loss, Left Behind, and Alone.
Ask yourself, each time the pain comes up, “What is feeling this pain and loss doing for me? What is behind it? Where did it come from to begin with?”
You might want to do the story-writing exercise we recommend at times, which is to get a pen and paper and to write at the top, “Who are you, and why are you here? Why are you putting me through this?”
Then switch the pen to the hand you do not usually write with—the nondominant hand—and write the answer automatically, letting the real story come through all on its own.
Abbreviate words where needed, as the handwriting may not be very clear. But let the answer come forward. You may hear from your child self, a past life self, someone with whom you have had a soul contract for some time, or someone inhabiting your energies.
After you have answered those questions, ask yourself, “Is this pain filling a void of some kind? If I feel empty—if I am mainly noticing pain and loss in relationships, why is that?” and again, let the answer come up, either on paper or in your heart-mind.
You can dissolve all soul contracts. That is a choice you can make. You can dissolve all etheric agreements that are pulling your energies down.
We would say that you are fully capable of releasing this pain if you are willing to do so. If you decide that you love yourself more than the pain you are feeling.
That your life is precious and sacred, and to be lived fully, every day, whether a lover accompanies you on the journey or not.
You can realize, with the help of a counselor and energy healer, or with affirmations, meditations, and declarations (or all of these), deciding what it is you truly desire in life, that you are here to dream big and to live bigger.
And that there is no one person who hands you your Joy, your fulfillment, the self-Love and approval you have yearned for since infancy—except you, led by your higher self and soul.
**Channel: Carolina Oceana Ryan