A friend recently described her life like this: “I wake up in the morning, knowing I have planned to accomplish A, B, C, D and E that day. Later, I’m just finishing up A and B — and suddenly, K walks in the door. And that’s it for the rest of the day.”
To make matters worse, you can’t even depend at times on which part of yourself is going to show up on a given day. Some days, you might wake up feeling clear, optimistic, powerful, peaceful and heart-centered, convinced you’re finally moving in a new direction that feels fantastic.
Your body feels better than it has for a long while, full of energy. You may decide that, at last, you’ve made a transition to a higher expression of yourself. All the healing work you’ve done on yourself is finally paying off. You are now firmly manifesting the life you’ve always wanted.
Perhaps creative ideas are flowing through your mind, you’re experiencing delightful synchronicities, and joy and laughter flow easily through your being. Your heart is open and filled with love for all those around you. It feels so good to no longer be experiencing the inner conflicts, the self-doubt, the depression, the anger you’ve been feeling for so long.
But then, perhaps even the next day, you wake up feeling irritated and cranky. You realize you’re facing old issues within you again.
An unresolved relationship conflict is in your face, self-doubt is floating through your mind again, your body hurts, traumatic memories are plaguing you once again. And the state of the world and humanity’s suffering is punching you in the gut again, bringing on a familiar old sense of distress and negativity.
You wonder, Why is this all happening again? I thought I was past this, that these things were all healed and released. What happened to my new optimistic feeling that I was shifting into a whole new identity, a bright new future?
At times, aside from not knowing which part of you is going to show up on a given day, there are times when two very different experiences can occur almost simultaneous- ly. You feel deeply steeped in a particular inner experience, and suddenly, something very much the opposite occurs.
For instance, you may find yourself in extreme grief about a painful situation – and then suddenly realize you’re experiencing a profound love for someone that’s welling up inside you. Or — you might be experiencing a sense of joyous freedom, relaxed and peaceful; and then, out of the blue, you’re suddenly remembering a painful memory and tears spring into your eyes. It’s crazy-making.
So what is this that’s happening? Certainly, in the past, you’ve had your “good” and “bad” days. But what’s occurring now can be so extreme and unpredictable. You may wonder: Have the times when the more-evolved me has been present been illusions? Has all the healing I’ve done over the years not really worked? Why can’t I hold onto this new identity when it shows up?
The Fourth Dimension
Welcome to the higher Fourth Dimension! Welcome to the world of death and birth both playing out within you at the same time. Your 3D self is in the process of dying, and your 5D Self is just beginning to show up, giving you a preview.
Sometimes one self is more prominent than the other for a while. Other times, they both kind of collide together.
As low-frequency 3D patterns arise within you, it can feel as if you’ve regressed and failed; but remember, this is not true. These patterns are simply coming up at this point to be seen, acknowledged and released. During these periods, life can feel very 3D to you – constrained, limited, heavy, depressing. But when these patterns, or parts of them, are finally released, there’s suddenly clear space within you that your new 5D Self can anchor more deeply into – and this feels fantastic, energizing, and peaceful.
The Dance of Two Selves
It’s a dance that is happening during these times as we travel through the Fourth Dimension and draw ever nearer to the Fifth. It can be very confusing. But these kinds of strange experiences simply tend to occur at this stage of Ascension.
Your 3D identification is dissolv- ing; yet it can still claim you, especially in certain situations. At the same time, slipping into 5D consciousness somehow becomes easier and easier.
So there is this back-and-forth, up-and-down process that takes place. You begin to see that you’re in a process in which a long-standing habit is being broken – the habit of feeling yourself to be a limited body/mind being. It takes some time to fully break this habit.
You might exclaim that it is taking so very long and wonder how much longer you have to go through this exasperating experience before you can actually be free of all the third-dimensional energies that have kept you constrained and diminished.
Naturally, the answer is that it’ll take as long as it takes. It depends on the personal karmic load you’ve come in with, the amount of ancestor and collective karma you’ve volunteered to transmute, and particular abilities and disabilities you happen to have. And, of course, how strong your yearning and determination to be free are.
Yes, the process of Ascension can be irritating and discouraging. But also, really check: Are the times when your 3D self is struggling through the day becoming perhaps a little more tolerable, as you learn how to navigate them better?
And are the days when your 5D Self seems to be onboard showing up more often, as time goes by?
Watch to see. And become aware of what you are learning through this whole period of transformation taking place within you. See how strong you are becoming, how much more aware and open you are to the magic that is actually taking place within you.
Remember: you are birthing a whole new YOU. As painful as this may sometimes be, it is also one of the most miraculous events that can occur on this planet. It’s not just an ordinary birth — it is one that is occurring into an entirely new dimensional reality.
**By Vidya Frazier