Tunia: Do Women Go For “Bad Boys”?

My dearest brothers and sisters,

This is Tunia speaking. I love you so very much.

Today I want to talk about a wound that many of my Earth brothers carry around.

Let’s follow Aaron. He hears society say that men are assholes and that women want kind, sensitive, emotionally open men. Partly out of selflessness and good-heartedness and partly because he wants a girlfriend, Aaron thinks, “okay, if that’s what women want, I will become a kind man.” Aaron works hard, starts making a decent living and is now an emotionally open and kind man.

Then Aaron tries to date, and he gets rejected over and over and over again. Meanwhile from Aaron’s perspective, women line up to sleep with asshole guys who do not treat them well at all. Sometimes the women twist the knife even further by saying: “I wish I could find a nice guy like you.” But then they start dating another drug dealer or a handsome but narcissistic highschool dropout instead of Aaron.

Aaron is deeply hurt, very lonely and also very angry. He literally did what women and society told him to do. But he can’t find a girlfriend, while asshole guys (whom women say they hate) get plenty of sex. Did all those women just maliciously lie to him?

As I have said before, if normal non-exceptional men aren’t rewarded when they try to positively contribute to society, then two things can happen. One possibility is that their masculine energy stagnates, and they become porn or video game addicts. Another possibility is that they become selfish and destructive. So for example, they might start to view dating as a battle, where the goal is to manipulate the woman into sleeping with him. Or they might start assaulting women. Which of course is absolutely not ok and absolutely not justified, but some men do go that route.

So, what is going on here? Do women like assholes?

No, they genuinely don’t. And that includes Earthling women: they genuinely don’t like assholes too.

However, while women would like to have a kind partner, they absolutely need a masculine partner.

Aaron in our example is not masculine. And that is why women sleep with other guys instead. That drug dealer is certainly not a kind man, but he is masculine. And that’s why some women choose him over a non-masculine kind guy like Aaron.

Women would genuinely prefer a man who is both kind and masculine. They do. But if they can’t find a man who is both kind and masculine, they will go for the masculine guy. Of course I am generalizing in this message and this is not true for all women, but it is usually true.</prosody>

Some women may think at this point, “I do not want a masculine partner.” And for a small group of women, this will indeed be true. But there is also a group of women out there who deep down want a masculine partner, but their view of masculinity is so negative that they think they don’t. But then if they’re in a relationship with a non-masculine guy, then they’re not happy. Then something seems to be missing.

It’s not a problem that most women want to be with a masculine man. It’s just female nature.

What is a problem is that society tells boys that masculinity is bad. Then society completely destroys boys’ masculinity via education. But then when they’re adults, suddenly those broken-down men get rejected, because they’re not masculine enough. And they’re not even told their lack of masculinity is the reason.

This is completely unfair to men, on multiple levels.

Yes, women are also treated unfairly by society in several ways. I do really empathize with my Earthling sisters too. My heart hurts when I see how poorly they are often treated. And I am very impressed with my Earthling sisters that so often they are loving and good-hearted even in such a cold and harsh and women-unfriendly society.

Let’s return to Aaron. He is not really at fault here. Society told him that masculinity is bad, then the education system destroyed his masculinity, and then women rejected him over his lack of masculinity. What do you expect Aaron to do here? If Aaron turns bitter or destructive over this, would you be surprised?

Again I want to stress that the Western education system destroys masculinity. It does so by forcing boys to sit still in a boring room for an entire day and forcing them to use their minds to study things they don’t care about, using punishment or drugs whenever they so-called misbehave. If I could change one system in your world, I would change the education system.

Generally speaking, masculinity only turns destructive if average men genuinely try to contribute to society but average men are not appreciated for doing so or blocked from having a conventionally good life if they do so. I deeply love men and really don’t think this is so unreasonable. If they work hard and selflessly, then they just want to occasionally receive recognition for that and they want some comfort and peace and happiness. Fair enough.

So you don’t need to be afraid of powerful, masculine men. So long as they’re appreciated and not blocked from having a conventionally good life, they will generally contribute positively to society.

Yes, you can always point to some man who behaves destructively, but are you sure that man was loved deeply as a child and appreciated? Maybe the problem here is not masculinity, but a lack of love in society.

Also, suppressing masculinity actually will not make anyone safer in the long run. Generally, attempts to suppress masculinity will not make say psychopaths less dangerous, but it will cripple men who would otherwise have grown up to contribute positively to society. If you suppress masculinity, you will destroy your protectors, not your predators.

So, suppose you are a man and you want to find a girlfriend. How should you proceed?

The first goal is to become masculine. You know how you absolutely love feminine women and think they’re incredibly attractive? Well, most women find masculine men to be just as attractive as you find feminine women.

Personally I absolutely adore masculine men. I can barely keep my eyes off them. And I am not just talking about the Ashtars and Hakanns of our society. In our society we have occasional days where we celebrate people doing regular jobs. Yesterday we had a day where we appreciated our equivalent of electricians. During this electrician-appreciation-day, I just looked at a guy for several hours while he was working. He wasn’t especially handsome or high status, but he was so good at his job and enjoyed it so much and he moved with such effortless grace that I was almost hypnotized by him.

I got in the mood just from watching a guy be his masculine and confident self. Afterwards I jumped on my husband. That electrician may have been an average guy, but he was masculine and therefore attractive.

Why do women find fit guys attractive? Because that’s one form of masculinity. Why do women find musicians attractive? Because creativity is one form of masculinity. Why do women find men attractive who are passionate about something? Because passion is one form of masculinity.

You don’t necessarily need to be masculine in specifically these ways. But you do need to be masculine in some way, if you want an easy time finding a girlfriend. It’s completely fine if you are masculine in the way that is unique to you. In fact, some very attractive guys are masculine in their very own way and I adore those men. I love watching them and I’m very impressed they dare to be themselves and that they often have built something unique.

Masculine men tend to want to go into the world and create something or do something with their passion. In turn that often leads to success or wealth or status, which makes it logical that women are attracted to those things. They’re indicators of masculinity. You don’t necessarily need to be wealthy or high-status, but if you want an easy time dating, you do need to find your own brand of masculinity.

Becoming masculine can easily take years. You may also have to heal some emotional wounds first, because maybe right now all you can manage is just going to work and playing video games afterwards. If you’re at that point, maybe the first step isn’t starting a business or picking up a creative hobby, but instead it’s spending half an hour every week on healing some old wounds.

Furthermore, emotional stability is another pillar of masculinity. And you don’t get long-term emotional stability by burying your pain, because it eventually will creep out. You get long-term emotional stability by healing your wounds.

There are many ways to heal, but one of them is: whenever pain comes up, just observe it, without judging it or suppressing it. Just observe. What you’re feeling, you’re healing (so long as you don’t suppress or judge it). You can even think: “when was the first time that I experienced this pain,” so that you can observe and therefore heal the root cause of this trauma. This sounds incredibly scary, and yes this hurts emotionally, but the pain will go away much more quickly than you’d think.

Once you are masculine, you should have a moderate amount of success dating. If you want to become even more desirable to women, you can then start working on becoming a provider, a protector, on becoming kind and altruistic, on becoming a good listener, on becoming emotionally open, on focusing on increasing the safety and well-being of the people around you, on becoming a good father, et cetera.

Once you are both masculine and kind, you will be an incredibly desirable man. That is because most Earthlings men are either masculine or kind – very few men are both. Women love men who are both.

To give some examples, Hakann is both masculine and kind. The fictional character Aragorn from Lord of the Rings is both masculine and kind. The archetypical knight is masculine: he is rich and high-status and a good warrior. The archetypical knight is also kind: he fights to protect the innocent and he treats women and children with respect.

Finally, I would like to talk about another way in which a lot of my Earthling brothers have been hurt. That is: “I was happily in a relationship with this woman, she told me to open up emotionally, eventually I did and then she dumped me.” Unfortunately, this happens more often than Earthling women think it does. This has happened to more than half of all Western men.

Of course, this is completely unfair to men. Again.

Think of the reverse: a woman starts crying, and instantly her boyfriend turns cold on her and dumps her a couple weeks later. Would women not find that experience to be absolutely awful? Well, more than half of all Western men have experienced that.

The core problem here is that women feel very unsafe already, just by existing in Earth society in general. Women feel much more unsafe than men think they do. For example, many Earthling women fear being assaulted on a weekly or even daily basis. Most men have no idea that many women are so afraid.

Earthling women get a lot of their feeling of safety from their partner. She may genuinely want him to open up emotionally, but then when he expresses his vulnerability or starts crying, it’s possible that the women’s lizard brain feels completely unprotected at that moment. And no matter what her rational mind may think, if her lizard brain keeps screaming: “I’m not safe,” then she may very well lose attraction to him, often without fully understanding what happened.

Of course, this doesn’t happen with all women. Some women actually do fall even deeper in love with a man who expresses his vulnerability to her. But most Earthling women alive today do lose attraction to their partner if he expresses his vulnerability or starts crying.

However, I do not recommend that men bottle up their emotions for all their lives. Yes, this actually does give them an advantage in dating in the short term, and that’s a huge part of why men do it. But it is also terribly destructive to men in the medium term. I would recommend that men just be emotionally open and accept that this makes them less attractive to the average woman in the short term. In the medium term this is healthier for men and it may make them more attractive to women in the medium term.

So, what should men do if they want to find a partner? Well, it’s good to heal your own wounds. It’s good to be emotionally open early on, so that if you do happen to be with a woman who loses attraction whenever the man is vulnerable, you can move on quickly and find someone else. And it’s good to be masculine. If you’re a masculine man, you can get away with more moments where you express anxiety before the woman starts losing attraction. I’m not saying this is fair, but it’s just how it is, from my perspective.

Women, if your partner doesn’t open up emotionally to you, please be aware that it is quite possible that he has opened up in the past and has gotten shamed or mocked for it. Please be gentle with him and give him some time.

Also, it can be a good practice to honestly look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: “if my partner expressed his fears and started crying, would I lose attraction to him?” Because this is a fear that your partner may subconsciously have. This fear may be completely unjustified – it may be that if your partner opens up, you will love him even more.

But this fear may also be justified. There are women out there who are convinced that they’re going to love their partner even more if he opens up to them, but if he does, those women are actually going to become cold to their partner and lose attraction to him.

If you think that you might possibly be in the latter category, this does not make you a bad person. Maybe you just feel really unsafe and your man crying would make you feel unprotected. If so, can you address your safety needs directly? Maybe you can express your safety needs and your feeling of unsafety to your partner. If he can help in some practical way, great, but even just being heard can be good. Or maybe you can heal some of your own pain.

Please remember that no matter what you do or don’t do, no matter what you feel or think or have done, Hakann and I love you so very much. We love you unconditionally.

Of course, women are treated very unfairly by society too. I am not saying that either men or women have it worse than the other gender. You have both suffered a lot and you are both treated unfairly by society. It would be great if you could come together and start working together.

We are so very impressed by how well you are all doing on Earth. I genuinely think that you are doing better than your average Pleiadian would if they were born on Earth.

Thank you for your open-mindedness and courage to listen to non-mainstream messages such as this. You are appreciated.

With all my love,


For Era of Light

**Channel: A.S.


**These channelings are exclusively submitted to EraofLight.com by the channeler. If you wish to share them elsewhere, please include a link back to this original post.

2 Replies to “Tunia: Do Women Go For “Bad Boys”?”

  1. harrrrrie

    Many women are wounded during childhood and lose or don’t develop self esteem and self confidence. Thus they are looking for men who mistreat women because that is the type of man who they can relate to. The woman does not think or feel they deserve better.
    It is extremely important for all parents, teachers, doctors etc to encourage their children to reach for positive development in all areas of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves. Also, that children are treated with respect and given responsibility at a very early age to start making decisions. Children inherently know love and positive behaviors from negative behaviors. With guidance a young child can make good decisions if they are not taught to doubt themselves.

    Also a note about education. Our school systems need to be revamped. It’s based on what Dutch laborers were taught in the mid 1800s, because the rich and powerful did not want the masses to learn how to become well-to-do.

    Think about it. Do you recall any more than a fraction of what you learned in primary school? We remember the basics, but do we remember the year the Civil War ended, or why numbers are in parentheses in algebra? It’s untrue that difficult topics like algebra and chemistry need to be taught to all children to develop their brains. Their brains are already developed and at their peak for learning or they wouldn’t be in school.
    Teach children the basics and then teach children what they are interested in. Many children know what their interests are and would jump at the chance to learn those subjects. There are children who are not sure and would enjoy learning a little of everything. Other children will change their minds and learn many different fields as they grow up. Someday they will settle on their choice and concentrate on that field. Then we will have happy adults who did not waste their childhood learning history when they wanted to be a chef or a farmer or an investor.

    It’s just common sense. We don’t need to complicate it. Give this a chance.

  2. AzureLeaves

    If I may add my personal realizations and perspectives, should it be welcomed:

    Some women also seems to go and form romantic relationships with such unsavory men because they seem to think that “I can fix him”. Which, personally is a noble thing to think of, but also foolish.

    One cannot hope to “fix” another in the individual’s stead, because at the end of the day, the only ones who can “fix” someone, are themselves; the only thing that can be done by another is to help them and support them to the best of their ability–the one who can only truly do the “heavy lifting” in fixing oneself is themselves.


    For anything else, there must always be Balance between both the Feminine and Masculine aspects of an individual, regardless of whether they are currently incarnated in a Male or Female body, because at the end of the day, beyond their perishable meatsuits is a consciousness, a soul, an Awareness of Being (“I AM-ness”) that transcends both Feminine and Masculine and can express one or the other, or even both, without any limitations from a Physical Meatsuit.

    So the point here is:

    -Men, don’t be afraid and ashamed to express your femininity alongside your masculinity–find Balance.

    -And Women, don’t be afraid and ashamed to express your masculinity, alongside your femininity–find Balance.

    Because beyond your physical, perishable meatsuits, is an Awareness of Being that transcends Feminine and Masculine, that has BOTH aspects, and also defeinitely have lived in a meatsuit that is of an opposite biological sex than the ones you currently are in now at some point in the “past” or even will be in the “future”.

    In either case, just “be yourself”, while shaving away and transmuting any negative aspects of yourself and striving to become your greatest version; don’t be too obsessed in becoming too “masculine” (or “feminine” if you are a female), so much that you lose balance between the two aspects of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine that is within you, regardless of your physical meatsuit.

    By being “yourself” WHILE working and striving to become your greatest version, you will create your own “brand” of Masculinity/Femininity.


    On another point: the usual/traditional dynamic seems to be: Men=Protector, Women=Protected; a Damsel in Distress being protected (and just outright NEEDING protection) by a Knight in Shining Armor. But this alone can also cause unfavorable circumstances with the dynamic of the Feminine and Masculine.

    To begin with, Women can be protectors too–Female knights are rare, but they can–and should–exist (as per the inevitable Law of Dependent Origination).

    I know several female warriors and spiritual warriors in my circle, be they my personal nonphysical guardians, guides and partners, to those currently incarnated in a physical vessel which are also females; and let me tell you female warriors are indeed quite fearsome and very powerful, too, so much that, from my perspectives, both Male and Female warriors, if unrestricted by the confines of a physical vessel can be of equal match in a spiritual battle with neither side winning nor losing, which can only be tipped by whoever gets their inner strength and focus exhausted first as per their personal level of training and experience.

    Here in the East, particularly in the old days of Japan, housewives are taught the Martial Arts of fighting with the Spear/Naginata, so they have the power to protect themselves, their homes and their children, while their samurai husbands are away from home at work, be it serving their Lords, or going to war, etc.

    So instead of fearing if a Male would be less effective as a protector for expressing their feminine aspects alongside their masculinity, why not become their protector as well and express YOUR masculine aspects too, alongside your femininity?

    Aren’t romantic relationships a give-and-take deal? Why not become each other’s protector instead of just one of you being the protector and the other being the protected all the time?

    Why not be capable of “having each other’s back”, working together, protecting each other, becoming the “puzzle that fits” in a sense that whatever weaknesses the other has, you will be able to become the “strength” to OFFSET the other’s “weaknesses”, and both of your “strengths” supplementing and complementing each other, so that together, you become EVEN MORE invincible and more powerful?

    Really, alongside whatever you are practicing and studying to help you become your greatest version, I suggest to also study and practice martial arts, and the martial arts philosophies and spiritual aspects of it, be you a male or a female; for it can also become a huge part of one’s journey towards further personal and spiritual development and enlightenment alongside the benefits of being powerful enough to protect yourself and those you care about, regardless of your current physical vessel.

    Good examples are the Eastern Martial arts for the addition of Philosophies and Spiritualities within it, such as Kyuudou (Japanese Archery), Miyamoto Musashi’s Niten Ichi-ryu (“Two Heavens as One”) with an accompanying book by Musashi “The Book of Five Rings” and so on.

    Men who freely expresses their femininity (e.g., can do housework, take care of children, expresses emotions, do arts and crafts, be nurturing and etc.,) alongside their masculinity (e.g., a warrior, martial artist, passionate in their work and etc.) are indeed attractive.

    So are Women who freely expresses their masculinity (e.g., a warrior, martial artist, passionate in their work and etc.), alongside their femininity (e.g., can do housework, take care of children, expresses emotions, do arts and crafts, be nurturing and etc.,) are indeed, attractive as well.

    So go ahead, practice Balance within yourself and express it, strive to become your greatest version, eliminate what doesn’t serve you, particularly any negatives, triggers, etc., while “being yourself”, create your own unique brand Masculinity and Femininity (and don’t become obsessed and focused in developing just one over the other).

    Try to do those, work hard on yourselves and I’m sure, individuals of the same caliber (e.g. energy, frequency and vibration) as you, will inevitably be placed in your path and together, become romantic lovers and form very powerful bonds while being capable of offsetting each other’s “weaknesses” with your own strengths, as you use both of your strengths to help propel each other forward, towards greater spiritual and personal development (instead of dragging each other down by just one of you being the protector, and the other, being the protected all the dang time).