This is Tunia speaking. I love you so very much.
Times on your planet are very tough right now, and there is a pretty high probability that they will get even tougher in the near future. While your medium-term future is very bright, I would like to invite you to take good care of yourself during the coming weeks and months.
Please be gentle with yourself. Some of you will not be able to do much more than hang on. That is enough. In fact, that is more than enough.
If you are able to continue to build up your life or help others, great. However, even if you can only hold on in the upcoming time, that suffices. After a while, things will get much easier and life on Earth will become more gentle.
Today I would like to talk about communication.
It is strange to me that in very many cases on your world, two people are talking and no one is listening. This sounds almost comedic when I put it like this, but it actually leads to a lot of anger and frustration and people not feeling seen or heard.
When people do listen to someone else, sometimes they only listen to find a point that they can refute, or they only listen to find out what is relevant to them, or they listen to find some place to take over the conversation. Very infrequently people listen with the intention to actually understand the other person.
Even if say John genuinely wants what’s best for Sally, sometimes that takes the form of John giving unsolicited advice to Sally, before John understands her situation fully and before Sally has had the opportunity to work through her emotions and thoughts by expressing them. Often, this is not helpful.
What’s often going on here is that it causes John discomfort to see or hear Sally being in pain, and so John tries to solve his own discomfort by giving her unsolicited advice.
This is not strictly a male female thing. There are men too who do not like receiving unsolicited advice before the other person has fully understood them and before they have had the opportunity to work through their thoughts and feelings by expressing them.
There is a fundamental misunderstanding here. This misunderstanding is that what people need most is practical advice. They do not. What people need most is to be listened to and seen and understood and to receive appreciation for those areas in which the other person can genuinely give it to them. They need someone who can be there with them, unconditionally present, even during painful times. In other words, they need love.
You can think of people as self-healing. You all know that your bodies automatically heal. This is true for your emotions too. You can heal old pain just by consciously observing it, without judging it or suppressing it. And you can also heal old pain just by expressing it in a conversation with someone else, so long as no one judges it or suppresses it.
Some people may feel that “just” listening to someone else isn’t helping them, or isn’t doing enough. From my perspective, listening with the intention to understand the other person IS incredibly helpful to them and is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone. Once people have expressed their emotions through conversation, they can often make the correct decision themselves.
Earthlings used to be able to read each other’s minds, as we Pleiadians can. This ability is not active in most Earthlings right now, but you still have the psychological desire to be fully seen and to be fully understood while not being judged. You can still accomplish this by sitting down with each other and just having a lengthy conversation. It is simply an inherent need of Earthlings to be fully seen and fully understood while not being judged. If you can provide this to one other person, then you have given them a priceless gift.
Now, let’s discuss another situation. If Tom says that he feels overwhelmed, and the other person receives that and asks some follow-up questions to understand Tom better, then Tom’s emotion is not being judged or suppressed. Hence this is healing for Tom. Tom will feel less overwhelmed afterwards.
However, now suppose Tom says that he feels overwhelmed and the other person immediately gives him unsolicited advice on how he can reduce his work load. In this case, Tom’s emotion is implicitly being judged as not being okay, because people immediately try to change it. Therefore this is actually slightly harmful for Tom on an emotional level.
It is possible that Tom will receive genuinely useful advice here and that he will be moderately happy. However, the overwhelmed part of Tom may very well feel bulldozed when treated this way, because there was no space for it to express itself. This can lead to this pain being pushed into the subconscious, where it festers on. Or it can lead to a split being created between the adult Tom and between the part of Tom that feels overwhelmed.
If you are in a conversation with someone who is experiencing so-called negative emotions, and you feel like there is something practical that they should do, then I would like to invite you to first hear them out fully. First fully understand their situation, asking as many questions as you need. Give them the space to say whatever they want and to talk as long as they want. I would like to invite you to only then give your practical advice, if you want to give unsolicited advice at all. That way, the other person’s emotions are not getting bulldozed.
An alternative way of thinking about this is: in conversations, Earthlings often prioritize what is right and what is the best action to take. And sure, sometimes this is the correct priority. But if someone is in emotional pain, then that is probably not the correct priority. Then the correct priority should usually be love. And you can make people feel loved by letting them talk, by actively trying to understand them and by giving them appreciation in any area where you genuinely feel appreciation for them.
Furthermore, free will is essential. From our perspective, it is more important that you allow people to make their own decisions, rather than that they make the right decisions. Even if you are correct and the other person is not, sometimes they simply need to experience the consequences of their actions. That is how people learn.
You don’t need to fix or change other people, you just need to give them love, including in the form of listening and genuinely trying to understand them. That is generally the most useful thing you can do for other people.
If someone says: “I am going to punch Hans”, then of course it is appropriate to ensure that Hans is safe. However, sometimes someone will express an opinion or planned action that does not directly endanger someone else, but you think this opinion or planned action is bad or evil anyway. In this case, we would like to invite you not to tell that other person that they are bad before you fully understand them. In this case, we would like to invite you to either just walk away, or to actively seek to fully understand the other person.
If you actively seek to understand someone with a so-called bad opinion, then you are implicitly showing love to the other person. Being shown love can only have a positive impact on the other person, whereas people generally either don’t change if someone tells them they are bad or wrong, or even change in a negative way. Furthermore, you might actually learn one or two small things from this other person that you genuinely did not know yet. Even if 95% of what they say is wrong or bad or evil, then maybe you can find a gem in that other 5% that the other person is right about.
That said, if the other person does not treat you well in conversations, and expressing this to them doesn’t help, then you can consider looking for other conversation partners. There is a beautiful expression in your world that says: “go where you’re appreciated, not tolerated.”
To summarize: people generally need love more than they need correct information.
One great way to show your love is to focus on understanding the other person when you are talking with them. This can involve letting them talk, asking them questions, or summarizing what they have told you and checking with them whether you have understood them correctly. If you just let people express themselves without judging them or pushing them to repress certain things, then that will be a positive and maybe even healing experience for them.
Actually listening to people, with the intention to understand them and without judging them or trying to change them, is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone else. It will be a very pleasant and possibly a healing experience for them.
I would either not give people unsolicited advice, or I would only give unsolicited advice after people have expressed themselves fully and I fully understand them. In all cases, I would respect their free will.
I hope this helps. I love you so very much. And when we land, I would very much like to fully hear about your experiences and to fully understand you, as much as I am able.
For Era of Light
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