My dearest brothers and sisters,

This is Tunia speaking. I love you so very much.

I would like to share today that being authentic is just about the most important thing and just about the most important spiritual practice you can do, from my perspective. In particular, this means that if you or your inner parts or inner fragments don’t fully feel ready to forgive someone, then it is best to not forgive someone. After all, forgiving someone, when your inner parts or inner fragments don’t want that, would mean bulldozing your inner parts and thus further wounding yourself.

Almost every human on Earth has inner parts or inner fragments of themselves. For example,. if as a child you were loud and energetic, then maybe your parents told you that you shouldn’t be so loud — not because your parents were evil people, but perhaps just because they were tired after a hard day’s work.

Well, for a young child, it feels mandatory to become the person that your parents want you to be. Because after all, young children literally depend on their parents for survival. Almost everyone has unconscious past-life memories of when they were abandoned as children and died miserably. And yes, these past-life experiences still influence your actions in this life.

And so the child decides to become quieter. But how does he or she do that? Where does his or her energy go, where does his or her desire to be loud go? Well, that part of the child splits off and becomes an inner part or an inner fragment of the child. So then instead of one loud child, you have one quieter child plus an unconscious inner loud and busy fragment of the child. And the parent is happy, and so the child remains safe.

That split-off part doesn’t usually determine what actions the body takes and is usually just a consciousness inside you that watches you and is either happy or unhappy, depending on if it’s getting its needs met. In this case, the needs of this part might be: being occasionally physically loud or energetic or busy, and possibly standing up for yourself against your parents.

When this child grows up, he or she may think that he or she is just quiet — he or she may think that’s just his or her personality. However, in reality, the loud and energetic part of that person may be screaming inside to go out there and have fun and make some noise. However, the person very likely isn’t aware of that, because being unconscious of his or her loud side was beneficial during his or her youth, when he or she was supposed to be mostly quiet.

So in a way, a lot of people have a “fake” personality. As in, a lot of people’s seeming personality isn’t their actual personality. Instead, their seeming personality is just who they had to be to please the adults around them when they were growing up, in order to remain safe. Their actual personality may very well be locked up inside those inner parts or inner fragments of themselves, such as their loud / busy part.

As another example, a lot of children were told that sex = bad, or at least them being sexual = bad, or sexual situations = possibly dangerous. Hence the seeming personality of most people is less sexual than their actual, non-split-off personality would be. Even taking into account the dangers of sexual violence and unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases and sexual shaming on your world, most peoples actual personality is still more sexual than their seeming day-to-day personality. That said, this is true for most people, but not for everyone. And obviously, adults should not have sex with children.

As yet another example, many people’s actual personality is more curious and more in tune with their own heart and more likely to think for themselves than their seeming personality is. After all, most children during their youth are pressured to just believe and do what parents tell them, which dampens their curiosity and inner knowing and critical thinking.

So, most people have a lot of split-off inner parts, which contain parts of themselves. Ideally, people should work to re-integrate these parts of themselves, in order to become more whole and more authentic and more happy and healthy. For example, the person we discussed initially should re-integrate his or her busy or energetic side, in order to become themselves. If this person doesn’t, it’s entirely possible that they may eventually become ill or depressed or unhappy or get a mid-life crisis.

This kind of reintegration work is often challenging but straightforward. Suppose you hear a stray hurt or annoyed thought — for example, you perceive a thought or an urge to dance, even if you don’t think of yourself at all as a person who likes dancing. Or you love your parents, but you suddenly become aware of an angry thought directed at your parents. Then you can start talking to this thought or urge and it might be from some inner part of you. You do that by just literally saying or thinking: “hello, are you an inner part of me? If so, which inner part of me are you?” You can then have a conversation, listen to it, tell your inner part that you love it and ask what it wants — and if possible, do that. Making your inner parts happy will help them automatically reintegrate and will help you become more whole and happy and healthy.

Though do keep in mind that some stray thoughts don’t come from yourself. Don’t make the mistake of viewing every one of your thoughts as coming from yourself.

However, this kind of reintegration work is often challenging or painful, because there’s often a reason why this part of you was split off in the first place. For example, our normally quiet person might feel an urge to dance, or might feel sudden annoyance when someone sincerely compliments them on their ability to quietly concentrate on their studies. Then this person might start talking to this part of themselves, ask what it is and what it wants. That part might wish that the person does more loud or energetic things, or that the person becomes angry at their parents, or that the person feels the pain or loneliness of having been put in a box that the person doesn’t belong in. Some of these things can be uncomfortable or challenging. However, they will help you grow spiritually and become more healthy psychologically.

Almost everyone has these kinds of split off parts. Yes, that includes most spiritual teachers. Often spiritual teachers have buried their wounded or undesired parts even more deeply than most people have, because they feel that they must present a “high-vibration” and calm or happy image to the world, and thus they often really deeply bury everything that doesn’t seem happy or “spiritually advanced.” This is why, for example, there are a shocking number of spiritual teachers on Earth who abuse their students, whether financially or verbally or physically or sexually. That is what burying undesired parts leads to — after some time, these parts will start manifesting themselves in aggressive, manipulative, coercive or forceful ways, or alternatively the person may become unhappy or manifest dis-ease. This is why I suggest in this message to integrate your unintegrated inner parts, and why in a previous message I have said that it’s important to meet your needs, even if they’re so-called “unspiritual” needs..

Yes, a very few people on Earth have genuinely reintegrated all their parts, and they are genuinely happy during most hours of the day without needing to repress any pain. However, most people aren’t like this, and most spiritual teachers also aren’t like this. Most people who seem to have it together and who seem to have a great life and be happy, simply have pushed away all their wounded parts. If because of this you are unsure who to listen or who to follow, then well, listening to your own soul and intuition is always a great idea. But secondarily, it’s a green flag if a spiritual teacher occasionally shares that in the here and now, they are feeling tired or annoyed or whatever, and that’s okay, and they’ll just observe their own feelings for a short while and then they can move on with teaching. If a teacher does this (and doesn’t merely do the “I was unhappy in the past, and now I’m feeling great”) then he or she may very well be a good person to listen to. This is not the only criterium, but it is one important one.

In general, if people have a strong self-image, then often they will strongly push away any part of them that runs counter to that self-image. For example, your typical professional spiritual teacher has a strong self-image that they are a spiritually advanced person. And thus they may very well push away everything that seems unspiritual, such as inner turmoil or so-called bad urges. Meanwhile, someone who does not strongly hold on to the self-image that they are very spiritually advanced may very well be more open to observing and re-integrating their wounded parts.

This self-image principle applies to lots of cases. Someone who strongly identifies as an independent and tough and capable person may have great resistance to re-integrating the parts of them that want to be supported or taken care of or just wants to rest for a long while. Hence, it is good to remember that you are already good enough, as you are right now, in our eyes and in Source’s eyes, even without doing or accomplishing or being anything. And if you are already good enough even without being spiritual or without being independent, then maybe you can hold your self-image a bit more loosely. In turn that may lower your resistance to re-integrating parts of yourself.

I am also quite suspicious of structures that reward people who put on a happy face and punish people who authentically show their struggles, because these structures reinforce people pushing away their inconvenient inner parts. One example of such a structure is social media, where you are rewarded with social approval and follows and likes if you always present a happy face. Meanwhile people will likely unfollow or unsubscribe from someone who is often, but also genuinely, sad or struggling. And another example of such a structure is an unhealthy polyamorous relationship, because there people are pressured to always be fun and sexy and enthusiastic, because otherwise their partner might spend more time with their other partner.

Walking the path of re-integrating all your wounded parts is very valuable. However, it can easily take years to fully accomplish that. Now that is still a process that is very much worth doing, and you will start reaping the benefits from that process far before years have passed. However from the outside, someone who isn’t re-integrating their wounded parts will look far more stable and happy and functional and high-vibration than someone who is re-integrating their wounded parts. Someone who is on a multi-year journey of being angry at their parents or dealing with pain from their youth may look slightly unhinged to an average outsider, but to us that person is much more psychologically healthy than an “average” person, who is probably only able to function decently well because they’re not even trying to re-integrate all their inner parts.

This is why at the start of the message, I said that I consider authenticity to be just about the most important thing you can do. And one part of becoming truly authentic is re-integrating all your hurt or wounded parts.

With all this in the back of our minds, we can discuss forgiveness. Should you forgive someone if they wronged you?

Well, again, what’s authentic? And I don’t just mean authentic to the pleasant, people-pleasing part of your personality that wants to be seen as a good and spiritual person. I also mean, what’s authentic to the angry, hurt, suppressed parts of you? Do those parts of you want to forgive the other person?

If they don’t, then I suggest not yet forgiving that person, and first working on re-integrating those hurt parts of yourself. Because if you do forgive that person, you’re effectively bulldozing your angry or hurt parts, which makes them even more angry or hurt. And that’s not emotionally or spiritually healthy for you.

I would only advise forgiving someone if you and your inner parts are all genuinely okay with forgiving that person. And yes, this may take quite some time. Yes, this may even mean that you will never forgive this person. So be it. It’s better to never forgive someone, than to say you forgive someone and in the process bulldoze your own hurt and wounded inner parts. Yes, forgiveness is amazing, but only if it’s genuine and if it doesn’t mean you have to bulldoze parts of yourself.

So, that was my message for today. I hope it helped.

I think you are doing amazingly well. Earth lightworkers are outperforming the expectations of just about every being in the universe. I also think you are very brave for using your free time to listen to self-improvement and horizon-broadening messages. Most people don’t do that. So you have my love and respect.

Your star sister,
Tunia

For Era of Light

**Channel: A.S.

**Source

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