Catstrology: What the Stars Can Teach You About Your Feline Friends

feline race eraoflightdotcomAstrology for cats? Finally decode their quirky behavior by getting to know their place on the zodiac.

Although cats live side by side with us, they often seem like the greatest mysteries of the universe. Humans use astrology to understand our own best and worst qualities, as well as how we relate to the world and others in it—so why not also use the secrets of the stars to decipher our feline companions’ many moods, quirky foibles, and deepest desires?

If your cat was adopted at a shelter or rescued, you might not know exactly what star sign they were born under. Fear not—this simple quiz can help you determine whether your cat is an adventurous Aries, steadfast Scorpio, or larger-than-life Leo. Let’s begin!

What’s your cat’s favorite toy?

Mouse (toy)
Mouse (real)
Your hair
Literally anything that moves
Scratching post
The window (aka cat television)
Cardboard box
Laser pointer
Fish tank
Mind games
What famous fictional cat character does your cat most resemble?

The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland
Keanu from Keanu
Puss in Boots from Shrek
Tom from Tom & Jerry
The Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz
Thackery Binx from Hocus Pocus
Thomas O’Malley from Aristocats
Sassy from Homeward Bound
Simba from The Lion King
Crookshanks from Harry Potter
Garfield from Garfield
Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch
You are 15 minutes late with your cat’s dinner. What does your cat do?

Gives you a thousand-yard stare
Tries to eat you
Meow! Meow! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
Leaves you a “present” on your pillow
Pairs aggressive purrs with aggressive head butts
Plots future revenge
Eats the dog’s food
Your cat believes that pain is the best teacher, and they scratch you until dinner is served
Goes on a hunger strike after you do feed them
Gets the food anyway, by whatever means necessary
Wallows in silent misery
Your relationship with your cat is over. They escape your home to hunt for their own food.
How does your cat express affection?

Follows you everywhere
Purrs and meows
Bites (hey, they’re a cat, right?)
Pees on your stuff when you leave the house
Sits in your lap
Gives your hand gentle licks
Brings you dead things
Stares at you
Makes biscuits (aka, kneads their paws against you)
Weaves between your legs
Rubs their face against you
Allows you to pet them without bloodshed…0
What’s your cat’s greatest priority?

Beauty sleep (20 hours a day keeps the doctor away)
To be admired by all
The thrill of the chase
To play all day
To watch the world go by
World domination
To explore every nook and cranny
To keep you guessing
Chin scratches
To leave their mark (by scratching all your furniture)
Treats on treats on treats!
Who knows?
Where is your cat’s favorite spot?

A warm lap
A laptop, preferably when you’re trying to use it
Perched on your shoulders like some strange parrot
Zooming up and down the hall at 4 in the morning
Windowsill, chirping at birds
Safely out of reach in their cat tower, surveying their domain
Exploring the great outdoors
Under the couch, so they can swipe at unsuspecting passerby’s legs
Snug in bed
Where they fit, they sit
By the fridge
Wherever you least suspect or desire them to be
Someone (probably you) has wronged your cat. What is your cat’s favorite method of revenge?

Leaving something unmentionable in your shoe (it’s vomit)
Hiding. They know their absence will be devastating to you
Biting the hand that feeds them
Knocking over full water glasses
Passive aggression
Methodically batting your keys under the fridge
Yowling their displeasure.
Destroying furniture. Not just any furniture—your favorite furniture.
Killing you with kindness
Getting waaaay in your face
Eating a houseplant
Peeing in a secret spot that won’t be discovered for days
After years of observation, the CIA (Cat Intelligence Agency) has recruited your cat as a secret agent. What would your cat’s CIA subdivision be?

Department of Fly Catching
Department of Being the Center of Attention
Department of Laptop Key Pressing
Department of Running Back and Forth Very Fast
Department of Improbably Balancing on Narrow Ledges
Department of Fitting into Small Containers
Department of Water Glass Knocking Over
Department of Toilet Paper Shredding
Department of Looking Deceptively Cute
Department of Rat Control
Department of Biting Plastic
Department of Looking Smug and Full of Secrets
You can suddenly hear your cat’s thoughts. What’s the first thing you learn?

That their name for you is “Tuna Bringer.”
They are royalty in exile (and accustomed to being treated as such).
Your cat is actually two cats who are never in the same room at the same time, which accounts for their wild mood swings.
They are responsible for a months-long neighborhood feud about who has been eating the gardenias.
Your cat is a highly regarded artist in certain circles.
That being your cat is just step one in a f14-step plan for world domination.
That they have considered YOU to be their pet this whole time.
They are organizing the other neighborhood cats in a revolution against their human tyrants.
They’ve fallen deeply in love with a lion on the Discovery Channel.
They’ve been secretly monitoring you for a longterm scientific study on human behavior.
They’ve been making investments on your behalf, and you guys are rich!
Your last three breakups were a direct result of your cat’s psychological warfare (but they were just looking out for you).
Mostly 1s: Your cat is a Cancer! Deeply intuitive and sensitive, your cat might have a tough shell at first. But once you’ve proven your worth (preferably by doling out treats and snuggles), your cat will transform from a crab to a love bug.

Mostly 2s: Your cat is a Leo! Whenever your cat walks into a room, they know they’re guaranteed to be the center of attention and admired by all. Treat your cat like the royalty they are and you’ll have a big-hearted and lovable friend for life.

Mostly 3s: Your cat is a Gemini! Curious and playful, your cat is constantly seeking out new forms of entertainment. When their natural curiosity gets them into trouble, they might seem like they have an evil twin. Keep them engaged with lots of playtime and intellectual challenges, and you won’t find yourself dealing with the consequences of their mischief too often.

Mostly 4s: Your cat is an Aries! Bursting at the seams with contagious energy, this is no lap cat. Your feline friend spends most of their time zooming around the house, batting at toys, and making the most that the world has to offer. Join them on their adventures, and the two of you will never be bored.

Mostly 5s: Your cat is a Libra! Gracious and harmonious, your cat wants nothing more than a peaceful home and a loving human to share it with. As much as you want your cat to be happy, your cat wants the same for you, and they will let you know with constant signs of affection. They are probably snuggled in your lap as you read these results.

Mostly 6s: Your cat is a Capricorn! Cool as a cucumber, your cat is unfazed by most things (like cucumbers themselves) that might daunt a more impressionable cat, and they’ll stick with you through thick and thin. Sure, you get the sense that sometimes they’re judging you, but … well, yes, they’re judging you.

Mostly 7s: Your cat is a Sagittarius! Quick on their feet and thirsty for adventure, this cat needs a lot of space to roam and explore, whether that means venturing to the tops of the kitchen cabinets or the great outdoors. Give them space to satisfy their wanderlust, and your cat will know you’re their true home

Mostly 8s: Your cat is an Aquarius! This is an independent cat who doesn’t need a human. Your cat is aloof even for a cat, and their occasional displays of affection are made on their own terms. Treasure these rare moments and don’t crowd them the rest of the time.

Mostly 9s: Your cat is a Pisces! Gentle and empathetic, this is the cat you want by your side after a breakup. They are sensitive and easily pick up on the emotions of others, and they’ll comfort you with aggressive purrs when you’re at your very worst.

Mostly 10s: Your cat is a Virgo! Practical, analytical, and attentive to detail, you get the feeling that they could do a much better job of running your life than you currently are. Instead, they apply their skills to whatever problem is in front of them, whether that entails catching the elusive laser pointer or squeezing into the perfect cardboard box.

Mostly 11s: Your cat is a Taurus! A creature of simple (but important) pleasures, your cat enjoys nothing more than lounging on its back to get belly rubs, snoozing in the sun, and snacking on the many delicacies your kitchen has to offer. Keep the creature comforts coming, and their loyalty is yours.

Mostly 12s: Your cat is a Scorpio! Your cat may not be the most trusting animal, and sometimes you do get the feeling they’re secretly plotting to kill you. Still, you can’t help being obsessed with them, and once you earn their trust, you’ll never have a more steadfast or loyal companion.

An ambiguous mixture of them all: Your cat is mysterious, unknowable, unpredictable, and ever-changing. In short, they are a cat. Did you think mere human rules would apply?