Channel: A.S.

My dearest brothers and sisters,

This is Tunia speaking. I love you very much.

Today I would like to make an argument that consists of several steps. For clarity’s sake, I will first give a short summary of what each step of the argument is going to be. After this summary, I will move on to the actual argument and I will look at each step in greater depth.

Here is the structure of today’s argument:

1: If a couple is in a functional relationship structure, then couples typically do not lose sexual attraction to each other over time. If a man – woman couple is in a functional relationship structure, then typically the woman wants more sex than the man. And good sex is really important: it’s not just fun and connective, but it can also be a gateway to healing and spiritual growth and light work.

2: Why do couples usually lose sexual attraction after a while in the West in 2023? Well, many people today will tell you that they are pretty well on their way to integrating both their masculine and their feminine parts. The reality is that most Earth humans are neither masculine nor feminine. If a true master has integrated 100% of their masculinity and 100% of their femininity, then the average person on Earth today is something like 10% masculine and 10% feminine. This means that the average person on Earth has integrated about 10% of masculinity and 10% of femininity.

3: Two people who are 10% masculine and 10% feminine will most likely not have a good long-term relationship. After all, the woman isn’t nourished by the man’s masculinity, and the man isn’t nourished by the woman’s femininity. There’s no polarity and thus no attraction between two 10% masculine 10% feminine people. A 10% masculine 10% feminine person isn’t completed by another 10% masculine 10% feminine person.

4: Conversely, if one person is 25% masculine 7% feminine and one person is 7% masculine 25% feminine, which was roughly the situation from Earth’s middle ages, then there is a natural polarity and thus natural attraction. The 25% masculine 7% feminine person feels that they are completed to a large extent by the 7% masculine 25% feminine person.

5: So it would benefit the average person on Earth to first focus on embracing one polarity, either femininity or masculinity. Yes, ideally you eventually embrace both, but walk before you try to run. Embrace one polarity (masculine or feminine) first, then later you can embrace the other.

6: In a relationship context, masculine energy means leading and feminine energy means following. So to the average woman, we would suggest becoming comfortable with choosing to follow most of the time in relationship context, and to the average man we would suggest becoming comfortable with leading most of the time in relationship context. At times it’s fine if no one leads, or if the other person leads. Of course we’re not suggesting that women shouldn’t have rights. We suggest that women have rights and women freely choose to follow.

7: Finally, we’ll discuss how to create a relationship where one person leads and one person follows.

I’ll be talking about the leading man and the following woman, but really I’m talking about a situation where one person leads and one person follows, no matter what gender they are. This relationship dynamic also works with two men, or two women, or with a woman who leads and a man who follows.

So this is what we’ll be discussing today. Let’s look at each step of the argument in more detail

1. In a functional relationship structure: sexual attraction does not disappear, and women want more sex than men

Ah, another excuse, I mean good reason to talk about Pleiadian sexuality!

To illustrate this point, I will first discuss this with anecdotes from my own Pleiadian society, and then I will illustrate it with references to the middle ages on Earth in Western Europe. After all, most of my audience is Western.

To illustrate that functional relationship patterns make a big difference: people on Earth joke about marriage being the end of sex. Meanwhile, we joke about wives terrorizing their husbands by being sexually insatiable.

Well okay, let’s be honest. It’s not actually not a joke. Pity our poor men. The true enemy of the Pleiadian man is neither the brutal Reptilian, nor the subversive Grey. It’s his wife wanting seconds. Or thirds. Just during the morning.

And alas, the Pleiadian man, who just wants some peace and quiet and to do our equivalent of reading a book, is oft betrayed by his own penis.

It’s tragic, really.

I’m sure that Earth men now want to date us Pleiadian women even more. You fools! Every man thinks he wants a sexually insatiable woman, until he actually is with one.

Could the true reason why Hakann is working so very hard, be that he is trying to at least sometimes protect his penis from his wife? Perhaps. I’m not insinuating anything, I’m just asking questions.

What happens semi-regularly with us is that a group of committed couples come together in a shared space and have sex, either with their own partner or through sharing. And then after a while it’s common that many wives have sexually exhausted their husbands, who sit and rest along the sidelines. And then those wives happily keep going with each other.

As an aside: yes, men can intentionally avoid ejaculation and keep riding the waves of pleasure, and that can be really amazing. I love helping my husband experience that. But sometimes I just need to feel him ejaculating in me, and sometimes that’s what he craves as well. There’s nothing unspiritual about having a satisfying sex life. A healthy man can ejaculate a reasonable number of times without that diminishing him. Admittedly, most people on Earth are not healthy, even those who would seem healthy to you. And quite unhealthy men can get drained from even one ejaculation. But it’s not true that ejaculation inherently diminishes the male body. That’s only the case if the male body is quite unhealthy.

Your creator wasn’t so stupid or evil that they gave human men a significant desire for masturbation and sex, but then made masturbation and sex destructive if done in the straightforward way.

Back to the main point. Remember that scene from Lord of the Rings:

Pippin:
What about breakfast?

Aragorn:
You’ve already had it.

Pippin:
We’ve had one, yes. What about second breakfast?

Merry:
I don’t think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.

Pippin:
What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn’t he?

Now picture Pippin as the average Pleiadian wife, Aragorn as the average Pleiadian husband and replace having a meal with having sex.

Yeah.

We also tend not to lose sexual interest over time. After a century of being with him, I’m still working my husband’s penis like I’m a slave driver.

Okay, I’ve now either exaggerated, or I’ve actually not exaggerated at all. I will leave that up to you to decide.

In either case, us Pleiadians have a functional relationship structure, and therefore we typically don’t lose sexual interest in our partners over time, and also our women desire more sex than our men.

And again, we’re humans, just like you, we just happen to have a functional relationship dynamic. It’s also normal for Earth humans to not lose sexual interest over time, and for Earth human women to desire more sex than men.

After all, doesn’t it make sense that the gender that is often naturally multi-orgasmic and that doesn’t lose semen during normal intercourse, is the gender that will want more sex?

Let’s look at the West during the middle ages on Earth. In that era women were considered to be the sexually insatiable gender. One writer from that era wrote: “husbands [have] a moral obligation to keep their wives sexually satisfied, lest they be tempted to stray to other beds.” Another writer from the middle ages wrote: “While a single [male chicken] can satisfy ten hens, ten men are hard-pressed to satisfy ten women.”

(direct image link: https://occupiedandpreoccupied.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/medieval-seduction.jpg?w=420&h=399 )

That’s pretty striking art. I think I’ve seen Pleiadian men with that facial expression.

And to people reading who think they’re just not very sexual: most people who think that actually are sexual beings, they’ve simply never been with a partner who they were really sexually attracted to for a long period of time. And obviously, having a satisfying sexual relationship is fun and good and perhaps even healing for both genders.

And also, even if you genuinely don’t care (much) about sex, then it’s quite possible that your (future) partner does, and that your partner won’t be happy without a good sex life. Therefore: having a good sex life does matter.

That said, yes of course there genuinely are for example asexual women out there, and they’re not lesser women than women who do like sex. Same for men.

Okay, so we’ve established that in a functional relationship dynamic, sexual desire doesn’t vanish over time between partners. Also, women are the gender that wants more sex, in general.

On to the second point:

2. Most Western people are about 10% feminine and 10% masculine

There’s a misconception on Earth that people are either masculine, or feminine, or they’ve achieved a balance between both. Sure, those things are possibilities, but most people in the West have integrated little of their feminine and also little of their masculine. They are mostly non-feminine and non-masculine. Yes, this goes for most (but not all) of light workers too.

Or to put it in a percentage, people in the West have integrated something like 10% of their femininity and 10% of their masculinity.

What matters for the argument I’m making isn’t the exact percentage, it’s that most people are only a little bit masculine and only a little bit feminine.

Let’s give some examples of masculinity and femininity to make it a bit clearer that most people have integrated little of either polarity. The following isn’t a complete list of attributes, they’re just some examples.

About integrating feminine energy: do you love unconditionally? Note the word “unconditionally” here. This also means loving Nazis and rapists. Yes, it’s possible to love someone, but also to want them to be locked up so that you and others are safe from them.

Do you have compassion for so-called bad people? Do you have compassion for people and groups you dislike? Do you have compassion for people on the other political side, even if you think they are dragging the country in the wrong direction?

Are you a source of love and appreciation and support and kindness to the people around you? Do you give people deserved compliments, not just to the really appealing and successful people but also to more average people?

Do you sometimes just help out some unknown woman or man? Do you sometimes just talk to them or are kind to them?

Are you comfortable with following in a relationship context, without excessive complaining if things aren’t perfect?

Are you comfortable with letting men be men, and letting your boyfriend or husband have the proper authority to go along with their responsibility? Are you fine with men making decisions in masculine domains without trying to micro-manage them or tell them what to do?

Is the priestess or healer or seeress part of you activated?

Is the motherhood part of you activated? Do you accept that the average woman doesn’t really thrive unless she’s in a relationship and eventually has children? Yes, being a single young woman is fun, but being a single older woman often isn’t.

Is the artist part of you activated?

Have you healed any trauma you may have had about your body, including about sex and sensuality? Are you fully comfortable with your body including your sexuality and sensuality?

Are you doing your inner work? If something triggers you, do you look inwards first before looking outwards?

Are you most of the time not feeling emotions of anger or hostility or annoyance or anxiety? Are you pleasant to be around most of the time?

Are you mentoring other women?

Are you taking part in or hosting sisterhood groups?

Have you joined or created a safe community where you feel good? This may sound like a strange question, but a lot of women need this to feel good emotionally, so this is important.

Are you able to admit fault, apologize and take responsibility for your mistakes?

Do you understand that your emotions can be but are not always an accurate guide? Are you able at will to get accurate guidance from your soul?

Do you understand why you are doing what you are doing, and why you have made the decisions you have made in your life? A person who hasn’t done sufficient inner work will make decisions for emotional and subconscious reasons, and then they will believe the pretty-sounding rationalization that their mind or ego generates. If you are unsure about this: are you aware of past situations or relationships where you made a choice because of fear or emotional wounds, and it would have been better not to make that choice? Almost certainly you have made such a choice at some point, so, are you aware of that?

When it comes to relationships, do you go for good and stable and kind men? Or do you prioritize that they’re hot or sexy or that you feel a lot of attraction or an intense love for them right away? In other words, when you date, are you looking for someone who is good for you and whom you can build a future with, or are you basically looking for a hot prom date?

Are you able to be satisfied with and attracted to a somewhat normal man? Your grandmother was able to do that just fine, and so was her grandmother, and hers, so there’s nothing inherently awful about this idea. To an extent, being able to have a relationship with and being sexually attracted to a somewhat average man is a skill (and this skill is following a man who leads, as we’ll later argue, because this creates a natural polarity and thus attraction even to non-exceptional men). It’s not a virtue to be unable to appreciate a non-exceptional man.

Are you comfortable with being feminine, not just the modern flavor of strong-woman-femininity but also the traditional forms of femininity?

Okay, let’s now do men, with the same intention of illustrating that most people have integrated little of their masculine and also little of their feminine.

Have you found your own brand of masculinity? Are you comfortable with being masculine in a way that fits you?

Are you masculine in a non-toxic way, while also understanding that masculinity isn’t inherently toxic?

Are you good at logic, reasoning, research and debate, without becoming cold or throwing emotions or intuition overboard?

Are you able to see things clearly, as they are, without succumbing to societal programming or television narratives? Are you able to stand in your truth even though most of the world is brainwashed?

Are you able to be yourself and authentic even when that’s difficult or unpopular?

Have you created financial abundance for yourself?

Are you helping others out financially, even if that just looks like donating a bit of money to charity every month? Ideally you’ll have an end goal in mind that everyone on the planet has financial abundance, without forcing anyone into some kind of communism they don’t want to be in, and you’re making some steps towards that. This can be inventing new technology, it can be volunteering at a homeless shelter, it can be helping others to raise their consciousness, it can be donating money to charity, et cetera.

Have you achieved mastery over and comfortableness with physical domains? For example, can you fix small things around the house if they are broken? Can you cook reasonably well? Are you good in bed? Do you occasionally make art or write or similar and are you reasonably competent at that? If you desire to have a fit body, then are you working towards that?

If you put your mind towards something, are you able to make effective steps towards that?

Are you psychologically at peace? Have you beaten addictions and are you not usually engaging in coping mechanisms?

Are you comfortable with leading?

Are you comfortable with and able to protect others?

Are you able to completely hold a woman, including emotionally and spiritually? Can you be the rock in the storm if needed?

Do you understand women and are you comfortable with letting women be women, without letting them walk all over you?

Do you love women without putting them on a pedestal or being needy towards them? Would a woman in your life be welcome, but you’re fine without one?

Have you stopped watching porn?

Have you activated your inner priest or shaman or facilitator or master of ceremony?

Is the fatherhood part of you active?

Are you able to love unreservedly, yourself and others?

Do you understand that just bottling up emotions is unhealthy? Are you comfortable with crying and being vulnerable and doing painful introspection and expressing yourself, yet do you also have enough control over yourself that you’re able to not cry or be vulnerable in situations where others rely on you at that moment having it together?

Are you unafraid of being emotionally intimate with other people, including with other men and including with your wife or girlfriend?

Are you at peace with yourself? Do you like who you are?

Can you stand up for yourself or others, without being cold or overly selfish or overly hostile?

Do you keep your word once given? Do you do what you say? Can others rely on you? Are you not two-faced? If something is told to you in confidence, then do you keep that confidence?

Are you able to bear pain?

Can you take responsibility for your actions, learn from that, make reparations if needed and then move on?

Do you push back or speak out in appropriate ways against dysfunctional societal structures and people behaving in a dysfunctional way? Are you able to speak the uncomfortable truth, to point out the elephant in the room, without becoming unnecessarily cold or mean?

Are you willing to take risks for the right reasons, while not taking unnecessary stupid risks for no reason?

Have you beaten the societal programming that you’re worthless? Are you able to perceive yourself as having value and being worthy of love?

Are you largely comfortable with who you are, while still moving forward in life and working on both your external circumstances and inner well-being?

Are you able to be decisive and make decisions in short amounts of time when appropriate? (If you struggle with this: try to be a satisficer instead of a maximizer. A satisficer is someone who finds a good-enough option and then just goes for that, accepting that there may be a better option out there somewhere. Certain psychological research shows that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Appreciating what you have is better than worrying that there might be a better option out there somewhere.)

Do you have self-discipline?

Are you unafraid of confrontation? Are you unafraid of being disliked? Are you able to state and defend the boundaries of yourself and others, even when that is difficult, even if that means kicking people out of your life or physically defending yourself or others? (As a tip: if you think you’re bad at guarding your boundaries, it might just be that the people who you often interact with simply don’t respect your boundaries, and perhaps the solution is getting better friends.)

Do you simply feel good most of the time? Do you like being a man, despite the hostility that much of society has for you, just because of how you were born?

Later on I will advise people to try and integrate one of the polarities first (either masculine or feminine), instead of trying to integrate both at the same time (which is valuable but is a more advanced second step). These two lists contain plenty of suggestions on how to do that. Just pick out one of these things on either of these lists and go work at it. For example, if you want to integrate your masculinity and you’re bad at stating your boundaries, then that’s something you can work on.

So, I hope these examples indicate that most people are something like 10% masculine and 10% feminine. For the vast majority of people, there’s still a lot of integration work to do even in their own polarity.

It’s a problem that most people are something like 10% masculine and 10% feminine, because:

3. Two people who are 10% masculine and 10% feminine will most likely not have a good relationship.

This is because of two reasons. One: most men want a partner who is at least say 25% feminine. Most women want a partner who is at least say 25% masculine, on in other words, a man who has integrated at least 25% of masculinity.

Some women at this point will disagree with me. And sure, I’m generalizing, this isn’t true for literally all people. However, it is true for most people.

Often on Earth all the positive traits of masculinity are defined as traits that any gender can have, while the negative traits of distorted masculinity are over-emphasized. Therefore women think they don’t want a masculine man. But if you use a non-skewed definition of masculinity, then most women really do want a masculine man. Just look back through the list of aspects of masculinity I gave earlier. Don’t you think that most women want those kinds of qualities in a partner?

Certainly after a while most women become dissatisfied and stop being attracted to their partner, if he is not sufficiently masculine.

This is also part of why women often date obviously immoral or dysfunctional men. A lot of women prefer an immoral or dysfunctional masculine man over a kind, emotionally open non-masculine man. Sure, she would prefer a kind, emotionally open man who is masculine – at least, if she’s not emotionally a teenager – but many women will take the dysfunctional masculine man over the kind non-masculine man.

Then there’s a second reason why two people who are both 10% masculine and 10% feminine will likely not have a good relationship. It’s that there’s no polarity, and thus no attraction between them. A 10% masculine 10% feminine person isn’t completed by another 10% masculine 10% feminine person.

This is also the reason for statements such as “I don’t need a man.” Indeed, if you’re a 10% masculine 10% feminine woman, you don’t need a 10% masculine 10% feminine man.

So what’s the solution to this?

4: A man with 25% masculinity, 7% femininity will be attracted to a woman with 7% masculinity, 25% femininity

This is just natural polarity and therefore natural attraction. It’s almost physics.

This is also the situation that leads to both partners wanting to have a lot of sex with each other, and feeling that they need each other. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact this can lead to a highly satisfying relationship for both partners.

5: Most people on Earth should focus on embracing one polarity (masculine or feminine) first. Walk before you run.

A very spiritually advanced person who is say 80% masculine and 60% feminine can still feel attracted to a say 60% masculine and 80% feminine person. This is a calmer and gentler and less needy form of love. There will probably be less lust in such a relationship, but there can be a deep love and mutual understanding. Arcturians and non-physical beings have this kind of relationship relatively often.

If people go “oh, this is what I want”: note that this is like master level at the university. As Hakann argued recently in his article “you can’t skip middle school”: you can’t skip middle school.

In other words, from 10% masculine 10% feminine, it’s most efficient to first go to let’s say 25% in one of the polarities (masculine or feminine) while remaining around 10% in the other one. And once you’re there, you can increase your other polarity. It’s generally less efficient and not recommended to go from 10% in both polarities, to 15% in both polarities, to 20% in both polarities, et cetera.

Besides, what’s actually wrong with just embracing one polarity first? Most of us physical Pleiadians are happy to have embraced one of the polarities and to enjoy the kind of intense love that can go along with it. It’s fun. It can be very satisfying. There’s nothing wrong with this. A good middle school type of relationship really is a lot of fun, including in some ways that a calmer and gentler master-level relationship isn’t.

Again, I’m not saying that you should never embrace both polarities, I’m just saying that it’s more efficient to focus on embracing one of them first. And if you look back at the lists I gave earlier, there’s probably plenty of things about your chosen polarity that you can still work to embrace.

Have you ever seen a statue of the half-male half-female Baphomet demon? The dark controllers love trying to encourage people to be in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy, because they know this means that then there’s no high-masculinity or high-femininity people. Also, it destroys relationships when everyone is in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy.

Yes, at the university master level, you will genuinely be both masculine and feminine. However you can’t skip middle school. And middle school, for the vast majority of people, is about first integrating one of the polarities more thoroughly, either your masculinity or your femininity.

6: In a relationship context, feminine energy means following and masculine energy means leading

Most women do best when they are in feminine energy most of the time. And in a relationship context, the person in the feminine energy is the one who follows. Obviously it’s fine if she has hobbies, friends, callings, pursuits, et cetera outside of the relationship where she is not in a follower role. She can follow her husband, but then be a powerful priestess outside the home. She can do or be whatever she wants outside the home. Still, in a relationship context she chooses to follow.

I know that many people are in a huge amount of resistance to the fact that being in feminine energy in a relationship context means following. However, from my perspective, this is just so obviously true and this is such a basic fact that I have trouble even explaining why this is so.

I think what happened is that historically, women who followed got brutalized unfortunately often, and therefore women decided that following is not safe. So women decided to instead be in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy. That felt safer. However, safe doesn’t mean good for you. Safe doesn’t mean exciting. This half-being in half-masculine half-feminine energy ruins most relationships after a certain period of time. Sky-high divorce rates and the number of dead bedrooms in the West are a result.

Women so often stop being attracted to and sexually attracted to their partner, because they and probably also their partner are in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy. Therefore there is no polarity and hence the attraction dries up relatively quickly. One 10% masculinity 10% femininity person doesn’t need another 10% masculinity 10% femininity person.

This is a big part of the reason why dating is so hard in the West right now.

Pick up any woman’s romance novel and you’ll see that women don’t fantasize about themselves and their man being in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy. No, most likely the woman in that novel chooses to submit, or is forced to submit, or is dominated, or is kidnapped, or at the very least is led by the man. That’s what women fantasize about.

Yes, I know that people can have fantasies that they don’t want to experience in reality, but it’s still clear from this that women fantasize about being led. They don’t fantasize about a relationship where both partners are in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy, where neither partner takes the lead. Is it any wonder that attraction and sexual interest dry up in such relationships?

Women also tend to love forms of dancing where they’re explicitly following the man’s lead.

Yes, following is scary, but many things that are worth doing are scary. And with divorce rates and dead-bedroom-rates as they are, trying to have a conventional relationship is plenty risky too.

Also, part of the reason – not the whole reason, but part of the reason — why many women feel overburdened and overworked is that they try to be in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy, and this just doesn’t align with their natural energy. And this wears women out energetically. Women’s cognitive load would be reduced if they followed.

So: most women do best when they are in feminine energy most of the time. And in a relationship context, the person in the feminine energy is the one who follows. Although this doesn’t mean that she needs to follow outside of the relationship context.

Most men do best when they are in masculine energy most of the time. And in a relationship context, the person in the masculine energy is the one who leads.

Note that I said “most of the time.” It’s absolutely fine to occasionally switch roles. In fact I encourage it, it’s healthy. A 25% masculine man is still perhaps 7% feminine, which means that it’s nice if for example every now and then the woman is the one who plans a trip.

I’m also not saying that one of the people in the relationship should have more legal rights than the other. Obviously women should have full legal rights. Obviously both partners should have a voice and should be listened to and should be able to say “no.” Obviously a “no” should be respected. Obviously neither partner should be able to force the other person to do anything, or to hit them, or whatever.

I’m just suggesting that the average woman would do well to find a good and reliable man, and to then freely choose to enter a relationship dynamic with him where she often, but not always, follows. While retaining full legal rights, and retaining the ability to say “no.”

I’m sure that at this point, some people will be wondering: why can’t people in the relationship just be equals?

Well, first of all, the follower isn’t lesser than the leader. They’re different roles. Neither one of the people is better than the other.

Second: there’s nothing weak or bad or inferior about someone who chooses to take on a follower role. It’s plenty strong for me to love and support my family and community. In fact, I think Earth society needs unconditionally loving women more than it needs female CEOs.

Third, well, that’s what I have been arguing. There simply is no polarity between two people who are both in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy. A 10% masculine 10% feminine person doesn’t need another person who is 10% masculine and 10% feminine.

Thus after a while, with a so-called “equal” relationship, there is often no attraction or no sexual attraction anymore. Both people feel that they don’t need the other.

The result of this is a shockingly high divorce rate and lots of dead bedrooms. And no, those things are not natural, as we’ve argued.

A large number of relationships fail, and that’s not even mentioning the amount of relationships where the couple stays together but at least one of the people is unhappy. Hence the common relationship structure in the West in 2023 isn’t working, and it may be time to consider other options. Right?

Again, it’s normal for women to want more sex than men and for partners to not have their sexual attraction dry up.

It’s not normal that you in the West live in a world where women don’t often desire sex with any man who isn’t exceptional. In the middle ages, most men weren’t exceptional either, and yet those wives desired their non-exceptional husbands just fine. The difference is that back then you had one masculine and one feminine partner, which creates a natural polarity and a natural attraction including a sexual attraction.

The key to being satisfied, including sexually, with a non-exceptional person is simply that one of the partners is masculine and leads, and the other is feminine and follows. It’s that easy. And this has worked just fine for a very long time indeed.

Let’s illustrate this with a practical example. If my husband and I organized trips in the common Earth way, then we would sit down together, discuss and we would agree on something safe and inoffensive and relatively familiar. And that would be fine, but then after a decade, relationship boredom may set in.

Instead, what we do is that I and my children have stated certain boundaries and desires. And it’s up to my husband (or occasionally me when we switch roles) to surprise us with trips and holidays, while respecting those boundaries. And this way, our trips and holidays are much more unique and surprising and memorable.

I would never have found my favourite place to eat in the galaxy if my husband hadn’t led me to a place that I initially didn’t think was very appealing. If we’d planned trips in the usual Earth way, then I would have vetoed that trip and we would have gone to one of our familiar spots. Missing out on that amazing food would have been a crime against my stomach.

Similarly, our children would have missed out on some great experiences if I hadn’t allowed my husband to lead the family.

Of course, the person in the follower role is allowed to say “no” or “stop” and the leader should respect that. It’s just that the follower is encouraged to have a default attitude of “let’s just be and enjoy and experience this”, even if the thing doesn’t seem appealing at first.

I generally only use a “no” if I feel a “hell no, absolutely not.” If I feel an “I don’t really feel like doing this”, then I go along and I just focus on experiencing and being, or at least on helping my family have as good a time as possible.

Following is a skill too. A so-called follower who repeatedly complains or shoots down suggestions is someone who is simply not good at the skill of following. Looking at you, women who say they’re willing to eat anywhere but then they shoot down multiple restaurant suggestions without offering suggestions themselves.

If you want the leader to have the responsibility of leading, for example in matters of planning a trip, then the leader also needs authority, and the other people should generally follow them. Responsibility should be coupled with authority.

By the way, I’m a fan of man-spreading. It’s bad both energetically for men, as well as physically bad for male sperm, when men sit with their legs crossed. For women it’s also better to just sit with both feet on the ground, but for men this is especially true. Doctor Tunia prescribes man-spreading.

Personally I just really love that energy that I am my husband’s. He has all of me, because I’ve willingly given all of myself to him. He’s the captain of the ship, and I know that I’ve chosen a good man.

Therefore I can just experience the journey and give him as much love and appreciation as I can. In normal circumstances I don’t even rationally think about whether a certain activity or trip is what I would have chosen. I just go along with whatever he says. It’s so easy and blissful and in-the-moment. And we both love each other more than words can express, and our relationship is super nourishing for both of us. It feels so good to me.

To be sure, sometimes my beloved captain switches roles with me, asking me to plan a trip or holiday for once. Before he realizes his mistake, I’ll gleefully grab the steering wheel and steer right towards some chaos. And I’ll cackle.

And soon afterwards I’ll have my belly full of being in masculine energy and being in the leading role and making decisions, and I’ll happily hand back the steering wheel. You know, let him deal with the chaos iceberg that I steered us into. Hey, my strong manly man, I know I planned the trip and now we’re lost in some jungle somewhere, but you are so tough and capable and brave. Surely you can deal with anything. I’m just your innocent and loving housewife. Here’s a machete, chop-chop.

Man, it’s good to be a woman.

Jokes aside — or well, maybe I’m only half joking about occasionally becoming a chaos goblin. A girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do to keep a century-long relationship interesting. But in any case, I would like to discuss something else that I think is important for women to keep in mind.

Most men need sex to feel loved and appreciated, in the same way that cuddles and conversation and attention are necessary for women to feel loved and appreciated. Women wouldn’t accept a partner saying that he doesn’t feel like cuddling with her or talking to her or paying attention to her for a month, right? Well, a woman refusing sex for a month is sort of like the emotional equivalent of that.

Do you want the man you love to experience the equivalent of what for you it would be like to not be hugged, talked to or paid attention to for a month?

Women at this point might say “but I am available to give him a hug or talk to him.” Yes, but men and women are different — what hugs and conversation and attention is to the average woman, sex is to the average man.

A man who is focusing on sex might just be a man who is severely connection-starved, love-starved and appreciation-starved.

Unfortunately, most men on Earth are indeed connection-starved, love-starved and appreciation-starved. And hence most men on Earth are focused on sex.

You can say: “well men should go about getting those needs met in another way.” However, one: while you of course don’t owe a man sex, that’s still a bit like victim-blaming those men who have been love-starved. Two, it’s not easy for men to get those needs met in another way on Earth. And three, to an extent men are just wired to go and get those needs met through sex. People are of course different, but in many cases this is true..

There’s nothing wrong with men. Men aren’t broken for wanting sex. This is just the way a lot of men are, and I love men. Women want men to take their concerns and needs on board, so it’s only fair if we do the same for men.

If this sounds like I’m some poor abused woman who suffers to please her husband: I promise you I’m extremely satisfied with both my life in general, and my family and love life in particular. I feel cared for and nourished and feminine and I wake up every day feeling amazing. I have a hard time imagining how I could possibly be any happier.

Even just being able to follow and be in feminine energy is a blessing and it feels really nice to me. Frankly I’d rather be in a sub-optimal holiday spot while being in feminine energy, than being at a better holiday spot while being in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy. Everything just runs so much smoother and is much more fun when I just enjoy and experience, instead of running everything through my occasionally hyper-critical and overthinking rational mind. I just feel better and more present and more feminine when I follow.

I love relaxing in my husband’s masculine presence.

And yes, if you want your husband to be masculine, you should probably be feminine. If you want your husband to step up and lead and take responsibility and plan trips, you should probably be willing to follow.

Yes, this also means that in those rare cases where my husband wants sex and I don’t, I will go along with that, so long as I don’t feel a “hell no.” If I just feel a “not in the mood right now” or an “I’m tired”, then I know that I will most likely enjoy it once I’ve gotten over the initial hump.

If my husband initiates sex, or really if he takes the lead in any way, then I usually don’t even consciously evaluate what I think about that, or whether I am in the mood. So long as I don’t feel a “hell no”, I just focus on experiencing and being and giving him love and pleasure.

I also don’t feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick here: my husband is doing a lot of conventional work and leading and responsibility-taking. I don’t have to do those things. I can just enjoy and spend time with my family and be.

And just as I don’t refuse sex unless I feel a “hell no”, my husband also makes an attempt to communicate even if he’s not in the mood for that. My husband simply desires less communication with me than I do with him, which I think is pretty typical in a man – woman relationship. And yet he knows this is important to me, so he makes an effort to communicate even when he doesn’t super feel like that.

Yes, the people in the leading role shouldn’t be overly selfish. They should enjoy themselves, but also take good care of the person who follows.

This also means that women should choose good and reliable men to follow, instead of that super-hot but perhaps immoral or unstable guy.

If women don’t trust their current partner to lead properly, well, is he a good and reliable man? If no, you may be right with not wanting to follow him, but then this might also not be your ideal relationship.

If he’s a good man but he’s just a bit inexperienced at the leadership skill, then that’s something that can be fixed with practice and patience and by telling him you’re open to being led.

If he is a good and reliable man but you still don’t feel comfortable with following him, well, obviously you’re free to choose how you want to live your life. But in this case, you might want to observe your own resistance.

Remember, it’s not anti-feminist for a woman to choose to follow. Feminism is about making choices, right?

I know that following is scary, and that there are risks involved. But well, vulnerability requires bravery. Most things that are worth doing are scary.

And also, if you look up divorce statistics and dead bedroom statistics, then you’ll see that doing the typical “both partners are in a weird half-feminine half-masculine energy” thing actually carries huge risks too. Frankly, I think a conventional Western relationship is much more risky than a man – woman relationship pattern that has worked for aeons.

Although of course when it comes to huge decisions, such as “do we want to have another child”, I do enter decision-mode and I don’t just do what my husband says.

You also don’t necessarily need to follow 100% of the time, you can also follow 80% of the time. Or 40%. Or even 10% of the time, as we’ll discuss in this next section:

7: How to create a relationship where one person leads and one person follows?

Ideally both people are emotionally mature. This may sound obvious, but most people on Earth right now are not actually emotionally mature. And it’s hard to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who is not emotionally mature.

For example, women: if your partner cries or expresses anxiety, please support them. An unfortunately high number of women will start treating their boyfriend or husband more coldly if he cries or expresses anxiety or insecurity.

Yes, I know it’s not super sexy when your man cries or is anxious, however pretty much all Earth men experience so-called negative emotions at one time or another. So you can either choose a man who doesn’t express negative emotions at all, and it’s super destructive to his mental health if he just bottles everything up. Or you can choose a man who does occasionally cry or express anxiety, and then it’s up to you to be emotionally mature enough that you can support him in those situations, and not turn cold afterwards.

Yes, I know that many women are emotionally mature enough to do so, but a lot of women aren’t, unfortunately. A big part of the reason why men feel scared to express themselves is that it’s all too common that people, including sometimes their girlfriends or wives, become colder towards them. Women, this is on you. You also wouldn’t tolerate it if you cried in front of your husband and then he turned cold towards you.

Alright, now let’s give some emotional maturity advice to men. Men: ideally don’t watch porn at all, but at the very least limit your porn consumption. It can really make your girlfriend or wife feel crappy if you watch porn. Some men also watch porn and masturbate and then turn around and refuse sex with their girlfriend or wife. That is of course unfair to her.

If you need help managing lust, then the exercises uddiyana bandha or mula bandha can help. You can google those. Doing a Kriya yoga practice can also help, although that requires a longer time investment. Kriya yoga was discussed during the message: “Hakann: the path of kriya yoga.”

Also, it’s best for both genders not to use social media. Ideally don’t use it at all. If you want to keep in touch with someone, just occasionally give them a call or send them a text or meet up for drinks or something. I know that most people are going to think “yeah, yeah.” But social media really is very destructive. It may seem satisfying, but it is actually hollow, like junk food. Social media is the junk food of connection.

Okay, suppose you’re a woman who is already in a relationship and you’re curious about this leading – following dynamic. You can consider saying to your partner: “as an experiment, on the last Sunday of this month I would like to just follow your lead, from the moment we wake up until dinner time. I would like you to organize some kind of trip or activity during that day. No need to check with me, I’ll go along with whatever you decide. In fact I’d like to be surprised with what we’re going to do. However, my boundaries for going on a trip or doing an activity are X and Y. I’m all yours until dinner time. You can tell me to make you a sandwich or give you a blowjob or put on lingerie or you can have sex with me or we can do whatever you want. Just take the lead and I’ll follow. Although I do have a sexual boundary Z. And of course, if you make this fun and satisfying for me as well, then I might want to do this more often in the future. Deal?”

This can become a really fun monthly thing for you two. Satisfaction guaranteed or you’ll get your money back. In fact, maybe you’ll both love this so much that you will want to do this more often than once per month.

This is how my husband and I usually live, and we love it. He has a loving supportive wife who goes along with what he does, and I sort of feel like I’m getting away with murder here because I don’t have to take much responsibility or work very hard and I can just enjoy and experience and be with my family and do what I want with the rest of my time. This just seems like such a win-win for both of us.

If you think your partner is not really the leadership type, however you do trust your partner, then realize that leadership is a skill that can be learned. In fact, if you present him with this opportunity, then it’s possible that you will see your man blossom and become more himself and more confident and more responsible. Men typically are willing to jump through flaming hoops if they’re with a woman who loves them and supports them and is feminine and pleasant.

In fact, not just the individual family but also society thrives if these kinds of relationships are formed.

If the woman enters a new romantic relationship, then she can establish this leader – follower dynamic up front. In this case it’s a good idea to clearly communicate desires and boundaries at the start. This way, during the relationship the leader can just plan trips and initiate sex and surprise the follower that way, without crossing her boundaries. Of course she is always able to say “no”, with the caveat that she is encouraged to only do that if she feels a “hell no.”

It’s good to be really thorough in communicating desires and boundaries, and to communicate all boundaries and desires you can think of. For example, is the follower up for being spanked? And is that an “I’ll tolerate it” or a “yes please, I’m into this”? Yes, I do encourage you to actually talk about any desires and boundaries you might have, even if they’re unconventional.

After all, it’s not necessarily super-hot if the leader asks the follower if she would like to get spanked right now. However it can be really hot if the leader just pulls the follower over his knee, just because he feels like it. And that kind of thing is only feasible if at the start of the relationship you agreed that spanking was okay.

If you’re uncomfortable discussing desires face-to-face, you can also just write things down on a piece of paper and have the other person read that. If you enjoy things like spanking, there are also online kink questionnaires that you can download and both fill in.

If this sounds horrible or un-spiritual to people: most women on Earth enjoy being spanked, in the right circumstances and with the right person. And one reason why women enjoy it is very simply that spanking can send vibrations through her clitoris. Of course many women enjoy getting their clit indirectly stimulated like that. Hence spanking really isn’t some horrible thing.

By the way, to achieve that effect and to make the spanking fun for the woman who is spanked, it’s best to spank her with an open hand, on the fleshier, lower part of her ass, close to her vagina.

Hey, unfulfilled desires tend to fester, and that’s just going to hold the person back. If you have a desire that can be fulfilled in a way that doesn’t hurt people who don’t want to get hurt, then you have two options. One option is to just fulfil that desire until no part of you remains that still craves that thing.

The other option is to find the underlying need or wound and to meet that. For example, some people want to get spanked because they feel not good enough, and this is a wound that can be worked on directly. However, there isn’t always an underlying need or wound. Sometimes the woman just likes the way her clit vibrates when she’s smacked on the ass.

So, if you are a man and if taking the lead in a relationship appeals to you, then that’s great. Just communicate about this and find a woman who is also looking for something compatible. Don’t force women into a dynamic that she doesn’t want to be in. Just find a woman who enjoy this dynamic instead.

If this relationship dynamic genuinely doesn’t fit you, then of course that’s fine too. But before you conclude that, however, I would suggest considering if perhaps this relationship dynamic doesn’t seem appealing because you’ve been told all your life that something like this is misogynist. But how can a relationship structure be misogynist if the woman freely chooses to engage in it?

Or if you’re scared of making mistakes in the leading position, don’t worry: so long as you’re not being malicious or doing an unreasonable amount of damage, women who love you will generally be okay with you making an occasional mistake. Women will forgive mistakes. What women won’t forgive is you being boring. Fortunately, so long as you’re leading and are organizing trips and activities and you guys are doing stuff, then you’re probably not being boring.

The relationship is probably not boring if you’re leading, even if you’re not super experienced yet at the leading skill.

If the woman is constantly nitpicking or questioning you, or is weaponizing past mistakes against you, and talking about these things doesn’t help, then it’s probably best to find another woman. Either you two are not compatible, or this woman is bad at the skill of following and is refusing to improve. You can’t lead someone who isn’t willing to follow.

When you do find a woman who will accept your lead, it is quite likely that both you and her will have an amazing time. Plus this will help you integrate your masculinity, which will give you spiritual benefits too. Yes I get that leading may be scary at first, but once you build those leadership muscles, it’s entirely possible that you will have a great time and you will also develop more confidence and a more positive self-image. It may also give you a feeling of having a purpose.

Of course, you are free to do what you want. And sure, people are different. I am just sharing my perspective of what I think will work best for most people, based on aeons of history.

Really, if you look at the dating situation in the West with a long-term view, then it’s obvious that this whole “both people are in a weird half-masculine half-feminine energy” thing is just a failed experiment, and the thing that actually works for the average person is obviously having one partner who is mostly in masculine energy and leads and one partner who is mostly in feminine energy and follows.

As always, I love you unconditionally and endlessly.

Your star sister,
Tunia

For Era of Light

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