We are now in the final stretch of the eclipse corridor. We are in the pre-wave for the Lions Gate 8/8 and then the final eclipse will be on 8/11. This is such an amazing time, yet it can be downright uncomfortable.
We are being asked to pay attention to our discomfort. What is the discomfort asking us to acknowledge or change? It is time that we take a deep look at ourselves and our creations. It is time to look deeply into our shadow self and bring all that to light.
During this time period, all that is hidden within us will be brought to light. We will then have a choice. We can either shove it back down or we can allow our shadow to show itself so that it can be healed or simply walked away from. Our shadow often contains our biggest fears and those fears show us where we have limited ourselves.
My soul has been urging me for weeks to let go of my stuff, the issues I have over my weight, the part of me that is scared to be all that I am, and the need to care for others even to my own detriment. I have done immense work in these areas but they absolutely surfaced again in these energies. It became very clear that this negative-self voice churning underneath was limiting me in so many ways. Whenever I have an opportunity to do something and it scares me, I push through and do it anyway, yet what I hadn’t understood is that the energy of that voice was literally keeping me from opportunities.
I was able to spend the 7/27 Lunar eclipse and blood moon in the woods camping away from cell phones and all other distractions. It allowed me to really tap into what was churning deep within. I strayed from the group, telling them I needed some time and went and found a beautiful aspen that had fallen over and sat there staring at the green canopy above and a huge mountain in the distance. It was there that I let it all out. All the fear, the worry, the pain… the feeling of being less than that I carried from an abusive childhood. As I cried, the deepest grief came out and then I started to shake with the emotion and the release. I kept hearing my soul saying “Lay it down now, carry it no longer.”
After a time, my oldest searched me out. She sat on the log and asked if I wanted to talk about it. I looked at her and was shocked when what came out of my mouth was “I’m dying”. Her eyes widened and I quickly explained. “Don’t worry, I will get up from this place and be perfectly fine, but there is a part of me that is dying right now.”
She listened and cried with me as I told her of the absurdity of being afraid to lay that part of me down. It is beyond rational thought that I felt such fear and even sadness about leaving behind the part of me that abuses me. It truly felt as if a part of me was dying and I was in mourning. It was so fascinating because I have no trouble walking away from others if they do not respect me, yet here I am holding on to the part of me that holds deep loathing for who I am. I realized that in some twisted way there was comfort in knowing what to expect from the self-abuse, comfort in the limitations I had unconsciously put on myself and great fear in walking in my full potential. It was not only that I felt grief leaving that part behind, I was also terrified of who I would then become. I sat there crying in huge sobs and told my child that I was afraid to live up to my highest potential.
She looked at me and said “You are my mom, someone I have bragged about, someone I have looked up to, someone who has helped shape me. I have seen your full potential all along, we all have. It was only you who couldn’t see it.”
I immediately understood that as I see everyone’s potential too. I don’t judge them based on their fears or worries or self-perceived flaws, I see their soul. That inner voice: the critic, the worrier, the overdoer were all my crutches, my excuses for not walking in my full power. That is what was dying there in the forest, that is what I was leaving behind.
I looked at my daughter, so wise in her 23 years and I told her how lucky those she will work with are. She will listen, see, and guide them on their journeys as well. (She recently accepted a position as an advocate for Autistic families and has dreams of opening a center where these children can receive holistic care.)
When the sobs and fear had subsided, I felt excitement creeping in. I have no idea where I am headed or what my highest potential looks like, but I do know that I no longer will allow limitations. I will love, cherish and honor myself until it is as natural as breathing.
What was so amazing is that the entire hour we were there talking, I had not been bitten by a fly or mosquito once. As soon as I made the decision to leave my limitations behind, the spell was broken and I got bit by a fly and the bright green of the canopy became darker as a storm was rolling in that we hadn’t seen before. My daughter held out her hand, asked if I was ready and I knew then that I was. I reached the top of the ridge where our campsite was and looked back knowing that magic had happened. I was free. We made our way back to the campsite as big raindrops began to fall. I snuggled into my tent basking in the new feeling of radical acceptance, love, and no limitations.
Take a moment and look at the fears you hold, the negative self-talk, the memories that rise again and again and ask yourself if you are ready to lay them down? Are you ready for them to no longer keep you from living your highest potential, whatever that may look or feel like? Are you ready to release and forgive it all?
This is why the eclipse corridor is so important. It is a powerful catalyst for bringing up all the stuff within that block us from accessing our true divine self. Allow it all to come up and then let it go. We have the choice, we can ignore it and stuff it back down or we can walk through the doorway to our highest potential.
Sending you all lots of love and the courage to lay it all down and set yourself free.