One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”

The second said, “My teacher has so much self control, he can go days without sleep.”

The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”

How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?

A man who is at two with the universe.

Two men meet on the street.

One asks the other: “Hi, how are you?”

The other one replies: “I’m fine, thanks.”

“And how’s your son? Is he still unemployed?”

“Yes, he is. But he is meditating now.”

“Meditating? What’s that?”

“I don’t know. But it’s better than sitting around and doing nothing!”

How much “ego” do you need?

Just enough so that you don’t step in front of a bus.

One Buddhist monk leaned over to another and quietly asked, “Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?”